


Moving On

by fanon_and_canon (v_e_x_x)



Category: Voltron - Fandom, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Aromantic, Asexual, Asexual Pidge, Bisexual, Bisexual Lance, Emotional Abuse, Evetual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gay, Gay James, Gay Keith, Gay Shiro, Heterosexual, Homoromantic, Homoromantic Pidge, Homosexual, Lesbian, Lesbian Allura, Lesbian Zethrid, M/M, Mental Abuse, Pansexual, Pansexual Hunk, Physical Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Whump, adhd ezor, aromantic ezor, asexual ezor, asexual romelle, bisexual Matt, gay Adam, not canon, panromantic romelle, pidge is a girl, straight - Freeform, straight coran, straight honerva, straight lotor, straight shay, youth center au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:20:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24997483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/v_e_x_x/pseuds/fanon_and_canon
Summary: Keith has been abused all his life, but then his friend Shiro finally removes him from his current situation and places him in his Youth Center. While there Keith makes friends and meet Lance. It takes a lot for Keith to open up about everything and begin to heal while also dealing with his ex boyfriend, his ex's friend, and the police.
Relationships: Acxa/Veronica (Voltron), Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Allura/Romelle (Voltron), Hunk/Shay (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little older than my Teach Me How To Grieve fic so the writing style is a little different. I'm in the process of moving this, and my other Klance fic, from Wattpad so bear with me!

Shiro sighs on the other end of the phone. “Keith...” I shut my eyes and hold my breath, waiting for him to do one of his long monologues. He doesn’t. Now we’re both just sitting in silence and the throbbing of my ankle becomes more noticeable. “I’ll be there in a second, just hang on. Do you need an ambulance?” It takes me a second to answer. I almost don’t but by the way Shiro says my name I can tell how concerned he is. “Keith? Do you-”

“No.”

He takes an audible breath. “Okay.” I try to move my leg but hiss when my ankle does more than the dull throbbing I had gotten used to. This new pain traveled up to my knee and through my calf. “Alright, I’m almost there. Just... be safe- okay?” He hangs up and I just lay my head back against the brick wall. Having been able to get out of the house I had tucked myself unto a small alley behind a dumpster. My phone starts vibrating in rapid succession. Texts from James.

**Babe. Come on, I said I was sorry.**

Another one.

**Seriously? You're just going to ignore me now?**

Two more.

**Fine. Be this way- but you're sleeping on the couch tonight.**

**Fuck you. Don't come home tonight.**

I was about to text back but Shiro's car pulls up. I stand up and do this weird half limp and half walk to the passenger side where I climb into the car, he's holding the door open for me. We start driving and a couple police cars drive by which makes Shiro tense up. "Shiro… what did you do?" I say slowly. He answers a little too quickly.

"What do you mean?" He flicks his eyes over to me but once he saw I wasn't buying it he caved. "Okay. Fine. I reported James."

"What the hell?!"

"Keith. How many years has he done the same thing to you over and over again? How many hospital visits do you need before you finally realize that he just isn't good for you?"

"I don't care what you think. It doesn't happen all that often and even when it does it's only bec-"

"No! Keith!" He took my phone from my hands, I was going to call James and he knew it. "I'm taking you to the Center."

"I've told you several times. I don't need to go to your Center."

"No, James told you that you didn't need to go to the Center."

"I don’t need anybody’s help I can do this on my-" I stop and turn my head towards the window when Shiro raises an eyebrow at me. "Keith, I know you don’t like relying on people but you have to. I’m not leaving you in this situation, I’m not leaving you to deal with this by yourself. You do, however, have a couple options. Option one yo-”

My phone rings, cutting Shiro off. I take it from him and look at caller ID. “It’s James.” I say and before Shiro can say anything I answer it. “Hello?”

“Why the fuck are the police at MY house? Knocking on MY door?” I just sit there, he gets like this when he’s mad and it’s just best to stay quiet. He rants for a few more minutes but then I hear something in the background. The police entered the house and James yells a bit but then the line goes dead. I throw my phone in the backseat.

“He does know it’s your house too, right?”

My voice is quiet for my response. “He pays the bills, not me.”

He seems to blow over that. “Okay. New plan, no options. You’re going to the Center while I talk to Adam.”

“You can’t just decide for me! That’s not-”

“Not what? Not fair? Keith, your parents are abusive and your supposed boyfriend just got arrested for the same damn thing. Yes, I can and will decide for you. I’m going to talk with Adam tonight and see if we can get custody of you.”

“I don’t want-”

“Enough, Keith! You’re going. End of conversation.” I guess it really is the end because we pull up to the building in question.

It’s Shiro’s Youth Center he and Adam bought it when they got married three years ago and they’ve run it ever since. It’s a short brick building that’s bigger than it looks. Slurs that sometimes get painted on the outside never stay for long. It’s clean and well kept, as expected from Shiro. Some of the people are from abusive situations and some who just live on the street. Most of the time they’re kind.

This is actually where I met James. I came here when I was thirteen- Shiro had picked me up from school and brought me with him while he did his afternoon check in, I hadn’t wanted to go home because my parents were mad at me for something I don’t even remember at this point. James was sixteen when I met him, he wasn’t always like he is now. James was kind and sweet, he cared about me. When he moved out and into his own house he let me move in with him so that I wouldn’t be around my family anymore.  
My parents are homophobic assholes. They decided to put me through conversion therapy when I was ten. They weren’t all that great before they knew I was gay, though. They were always abusive- drunks, too. My parents first got arrested when I was six. I had met Shiro that day, actually. The officer who arrested my parents decided to take me back to his house for a little bit instead of putting me into the system. I didn’t have any other family. Shiro was seventeen and welcomed me so easily. He promised me then that he would always look out for me. It’s now eleven years later and that promise still hasn’t broken.

We walk in and I see that the place has drastically changed from what I remember, which is expected since it’s been about four years. We walk down the main hall to his office so he can sign me in and fill out some paperwork. Someone with a bright orange mustache pokes his head in. “Hi, sorry to bother you but where would you like us to set up?”

“Let me show you Coran, no bother at all. Keith stay here for a second, I’ll be right back.” Shiro and the man I now know as Coran walk off. I pull out my phone and think about texting James. I decide against it. I put it away and just close my eyes, leaning back against the comfortable armchair I’m sitting in. I don’t really have anybody else to think about texting. I only have three contacts- Shiro, Adam, and James. I guess I fell asleep because a second later Shiro is tapping my shoulder. “Hey, paperwork is all filled out. I’m going to call the police to see if it’s okay to take you back to your house and grab a few things. Let me show you where you’re sleeping and give you a tour.”

He leads me around the building, talking as he does. “There’s three main rooms. The main sitting area which is where meetings are held, the dining area, and the rec room. There’s the office which is also used for one on one or small group talks, two bathrooms that each have a shower, and the rest are bedrooms.” We turn the corner and he shows me a small room that kind of looks like a college dorm room. There’s a dresser with six drawers, two desks, two end tables that each have their own lamp, one closet, and two beds. “Right now we don’t have many people staying so you all have your own rooms, but there’s always the chance that could change. Our large group sessions are at seven in the morning and eight thirty at night and both are mandatory for Perms. Meals are served at nine thirty for breakfast, one fifteen for lunch, and six for dinner. Curfew is ten. We have two therapists that come once every other week, guy and girl. A doctor comes once a month.”

I’ve been silent since we got here, I can tell that worries Shiro but I just can’t think of anything to say. I’ve fought coming here for so long but I can’t anymore. I can’t leave because I don’t have a job, James never let me get one. I dropped out of school so now I’m a year behind. This really is my only option now. I feel my throat close up and I have trouble breathing. I get guided to one of the beds and it just feels like I’m not in my body anymore. Shiro pulls me into a hug and about ten minutes later I feel normal again.

“I’m going to see if we can go get your stuff. Okay?” I nod and he leaves the room, shutting the door behind him, allowing me some privacy. I wipe my cheeks and lean against the wall. He walks back in a minute later.

“What’s a Perm?” My voice sounds weak.

“What?” Shiro is thoroughly confused.

“A Perm. You said it earlier, when talking about the meetings.” I actually look at him while I say it this time.

“We have a lot of people that come in and out, some stay for the day or a couple nights. A Perm is somebody who stays here for a long time- it’s short for permanent.”

“What were they setting up for?” He grabs a rolling chair from one of the desks and sits in front of me.

“There’s a fundraiser going on tomorrow night, a concert. Allura is performing, it’s going to be in the group space.” Once we saw I wasn’t going to answer he spoke again, this time taking the opportunity to talk about something heavier. “The police said they have James in custody, we can go over and grab some things- there’s officers there- they found some drugs so they’re investigating, but I asked them not to talk to you for right now.” I nod once again and we head back to the house. In the car Shiro starts talking. “Did you know? About the drugs?” I shake my head. I didn’t.

The rest of the ride is silent and it isn’t long before we’re pulled up. There’s police tape and an officer with a German Shepard wandering around the yard. As an officer approaches the car Shiro rolls down his window. “I called about him getting some of his things.”

The officer just asks for his ID and after checking it we’re given the okay to go inside. “We’ll have to thoroughly inspect everything before it leaves the house.” She says, walking up to the front door with us.

“Understood, come on Keith.” There’s another dog in the house and I’m just glad there aren’t any stairs, my ankle is getting worse. I walk into my room, James and I had separate rooms, and grab my black suitcase and duffel bag from the top shelf and easily fit all of my clothes in the suitcase. I take my stuff from the shower and my hairbrush, throwing them on top. I put my art supplies, phone charger, and books into the duffel. The bed at the Center had sheets and everything so I just leave mine where they are. I sigh, and turn to Shiro who had been standing by my bedroom door. He grabs my suitcase for me and we head to the officer inside who has the dog. My belongings are completely searched, Shiro and I are as well. Obviously we have nothing so we leave.

_So this is it. I’m homeless. I’m out of options. I mean, yeah, Shiro and Adam are going to talk but I don’t think anything will come from it. Adam’s a teacher and Shiro’s job is the Center. They don’t have a lot of money- they can’t take me in- not that I’m going to let them do that to themselves. It would be-_

“Are you hungry?” Shiro asks, pulling me from my thoughts. My answer doesn’t matter because we’re already pulled into the drive-thru of a fast food place. The car in front of us moves, allowing Shiro to order- I’m not paying much attention but I think he gets me a burger and some fries with a soda. After we have our food we don’t go back to the Center, rather the park. We sit under a tree and eat in mostly silence.

“The night sessions are only for Perms, so you’ll get to meet them today. We have Romelle, Axca, and Ezor. Tomorrow morning you’ll get to meet Hunk, he cooks for us. He’s in college for culinary so it all tastes amazing. He sits in on the morning sessions sometimes. We usually have a few extra people join in on the morning sessions. I know Allura, Romelle’s girlfriend, is going to be there tomorrow morning, too- that’s how we got her to perform for us. Romelle asked and she took a break from touring to come and help us out.” He talks to me some more about who comes and goes but I don’t really pay much attention. I think he can tell because he taps my shoulder so we can get back to the Center in time for curfew.

Shiro likes to be at the Center as often as he can, it’s really important to him. He loves helping people, from the time he was in middle school to the time he was in college he would volunteer at other youth centers, women’s shelters, and anywhere else he could volunteer. When we get back to the Center Shiro helps me bring my suitcase back to my room. “I’m going to let you unpack while I go make sure everybody else is here, alright? I’ll come get you for group if you’re not in the main room by then.” I nod and he shuts the door behind him.

It doesn’t take me long to unpack, maybe about fifteen minutes or so. I sit down on my bed and look around the room. The only things I can hear are my breathing and the tick tick tick sounds coming from the simple clock on the wall by the door. I leave my phone to charge and head to the main room early. I see that five chairs have already been set up in a wide circle, I grab one and the wait for group to begin isn’t too long. A nervous looking girl with long blonde pigtails sit opposite me and avoids eye contact. The other two walk in, one with short black hair and dark makeup and the other looking bright and peppy. The dark haired girl sits next to the blonde and the peppy one sits to my right, leaving a seat open on my left for Shiro.

“Alright guys,” Shiro starts from across the room as he walks over to us, “this is Keith. He’ll be staying here with us.” He sits down, “Keith this is Romelle,” he gestures to the blonde, “Axca,” the dark haired girl, “and Ezor.” the peppy one. “For night session we talk about how the day went, a high and a low. Then after that it’s open conversation. But for right now I’d like to have everyone get to know each other a little more so we can go around and say a little something about ourselves first. Romelle could you start off please?”  
She nods. “Well, I’m eighteen and I’ve been here for about a week. I’m still settling in but so far it’s really nice. I work at a bookshop down the street.” She looks to Axca to indicate she’s done.

“I’m nineteen and I’ve been here for about two years now. I work at a small coffee shop in the center city, I took a gap year after high school and now I’m looking into colleges since I’ve had time to save.”

Now Ezor’s turn. “I’m sixteen, I’ve been here for four years- but it’s okay. I love it here. It’s hard for me to get a job because everywhere wants someone to be eighteen but it’s okay because I still have school so I can keep busy!”

Oh. I guess it’s my turn. “I’m seventeen and I like art and books. I kind of want to be a tattoo artist.”

“Good! And you all know me so I think it’s okay if I skip. Adam has a lot of grading to do so he won’t be joining us tonight. And Ezor, he told me to tell you he appreciates your perspective on Frankenstein.” Her face lights up. “So, who wants to talk first? How was your day, what were some highs and some lows? Did you complete your goals for the day?”  
Ezor raises her hand near her head, Shiro nods and she starts. “Okay so my day was great! I finally got caught up on my history work and my teacher said that even if I failed it all my grade will be a low C and that’s great because that means I’ll be passing. We still haven’t gotten back the scores for our final math tests yet so that’s making me really anxious. Oh! I’m really far ahead in my English work so I’m just waiting to be able to turn everything in because I know Ad- sorry, Mr. West- said I should start waiting to turn everything in. I didn’t get that job at the gas station but I’m okay with that! I didn’t really have any lows, well except for maybe not having my math test grade and not getting the job. And the rest of my day was my high!‘ She finishes with a big grin on her face. She seemed to have said that all in one breath and she talked really fast, I’m surprised she isn’t out of breath.  
“That’s all great! I’m glad you aren’t letting your lows get to you, especially since they’re out of your control. You had your appointment today, how did that go?”

“That went really well, too! I apparently have ADHD so that’s new but I mean it doesn’t change who I am, I just have a name for it. And now that I know I can go about fixing it so maybe I can stop annoying people so much.”

“That’s another great thing! Just keep in mind that you have nothing to fix, just something to cope with so that you can have an easier time handling things in your everyday life. Make sense? There’s nothing wrong with you and ADHD is extremely common in many forms. Adam has it so I’m sure if you ever have questions about anything you can always ask him.” She nods enthusiastically. “And how about your goals for today? You had two, right? Turn in all your history, which you did and I’m really proud of that. And your other one was to talk to the new girl.”

“Oh! Well, she wasn’t in school today which is sad but also super confusing, like, it’s her second day and she didn’t show up. I took notes for her in science though! I didn’t want her to be confused. It’s probably already overwhelming enough that she moved in the middle of the year so I figured it would help some!"

“That’s great!” She gives Shiro two thumbs up as he says this, ending her turn to speak. “Axca? Romelle? Keith? Either of you want to share next?” Nobody answers. “That’s okay! I can go next. My day was busy as always, we have that concert tomorrow so I was getting some things ready for that and I signed in someone new today. My low and my high are the same, getting someone new is always exciting because that’s another person who is getting what they need but also that’s another person who is struggling. My goal was to surprise Adam for lunch, and I got to do that. So all in all, my day was good.”

Axca leans forward in her seat and Shiro lets her talk. “My day was okay. I had off from work, which I was supposed to spend with Veronica but her boss had her work all day so we didn’t get to see each other. I found a couple colleges I want to go to so I’m calling their advisers tomorrow to talk about requirements. Hopefully I can set up some tours. My goal was to practice the dance we’ve been doing in class since I’ve been having a lot of trouble with it but since I didn’t get to see Veronica we weren’t able to work on it. My low was not seeing Veronica and my high was probably dinner- Hunk made my favorite.”

“Do you know when you’ll get to see Veronica next?”

Axca just shakes her head and I guess that’s the end of her turn because Romelle speaks, but she stares straight ahead past my shoulders. She’s rigid. “My day was nice. I went on a walk through that really nice trail near the park- I found a cozy spot to sit and read. And my goal was to finish my book, which I did. I didn’t really have a low and my high was being able to go on the walk.” She shrunk back into herself and Shiro smiled at her but didn’t say anything. I guess she’s extremely shy because Shiro isn’t the type of person to not engage in conversation. Shiro and Ezor look and me, Ezor seems excited and I realize, now, that it’s my time to share.

“Uhm. My day was kind of shitty. My boyfriend got arrested and now I’m here. And I don’t really know what you all mean by goals, so… I guess that’s it? The day just sort of speaks for itself.”

“In the morning sessions we set goals for the day, something we think we can accomplish. It can be something like brushing your teeth two times or asking your boss about a promotion.”

I nod to show I understand and Ezor shoots me a question. “What did he get arrested for?‘

“Abuse. Drugs. Underage drinking.” The group is silent after that. It’s heavy and thick. I don’t like it. After about a long minute of silence Shiro speaks.

“Okay, is there anything else anybody wants to say?” More silence. “Okay, I have some paperwork that’ll take me about twenty minutes and then I’m off. If you need anything come and find me before I leave. If not, I’ll see you all tomorrow morning, goodnight.” Everyone stands up and puts their chairs in a nearby storage room, I do the same and head back to my room.


	2. Chapter Two

I get back into my room and see a missed call from a number I don’t recognize. I look up the number and see it’s for the jail. It must have been James. I feel guilty for missing his call but there isn’t anything I can do about it. My phone has a full charge so I take it over to the desk with me and I work in my sketchbook. It’s a tattoo design, a lion surrounded by red and black ink- it’s a watercolor tattoo. I’m doing some shading when someone knocks on my door.

“Keith?” It’s that Ezor girl. The really peppy one. Her tone is soft and I open the door, stepping aside to let her in. “Can I sit?” She asks tentatively, pointing to the other desk chair. I nod and take my spot back in my chair. She wheels a little closer to me, but leaves some good distance for personal space. “I’m sorry if my question made you feel a little uncomfortable. I mean, I know this whole situation probably does but I didn’t intend to make it worse or anything. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry, it’s good. You didn’t know.”

She’s silent for a moment, as if taking a bit of time to accept that it isn’t her fault. Then her face lights itself up again. “Well, if you need anything I’ve got you; I’m three doors down from Shiro’s office!” She stands, puts her chair back and just as she’s about to leave the room I thank her. “No problem! Sleep well!” She waves before her long orange hair, that almost touches the floor, swishes out of the door just as it shut right after.

I return to my sketchbook, checking my phone when it buzzes.

**I’m going to talk to Adam when I get home. Goodnight, Keith**

I send him back a ‘goodnight’ and decide to go to sleep. It isn’t until I’m laying down and still that the pain in my ankle is noticeable again. I consider texting Shiro about it, since that's what I would always do after James got mad, but I've caused enough trouble for one day. I'll worry about it later.

I toss and turn the whole hour and a half it takes me to fall asleep. 

_I hear my phone buzz and look over to check it. James is texting me._

**Turn. On. Your. Fucking. Light.**

_I stare at the screen in confusion._

**N. O. W.**

_I do as he says, when the lamp is on I see James sitting on the other bed._

_"The fuck do you think you're doing here? Why are you not at my house? Why are you laying down on your lazy ass and not cleaning something? I don't pay the fucking bills for you to just run off and play victim. Stop looking for attention." He gets off the bed and walks over to me, he clenches his hand around my throat and I black out._

I bolt upright and immediately reach for my phone. Nothing. It's not even on vibrate. It's one in the morning. I lie back down and try to fall back asleep and use some of the breathing techniques Shiro taught me. I guess they work because I wake up to Ezor tapping my shoulder. 

I sit up and push myself against the wall. She puts her hands up as if she were surrendering. "Shit! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you, group is starting in about five minutes. Are you okay? Your shirt is covered in sweat."

I nod and try not to show how heavy my breaths are. She doesn't seem to buy it but lets the subject go for now. "Okay… well, you should hurry up. Don't want to be late for group on your second day. And don't worry about changing if you don't want to- mostly everybody, unless they're in school and sometimes even if they are in school, show up in their pajamas. Even Hunk does sometimes!" She laughs to herself as she leaves my room.

I quickly change into a fresh shirt and follow her long orange hair into the main room, there's a few more people than before and it's just a circle on the floor rather than chairs. I see six extra people- the man named Coran from yesterday and Adam included. I assume the one sitting with her arm around Romelle is Allura. Someone is sitting next to Axca and I kind of hope it' s Veronica- she was pretty upset about not getting to see her. Ezor jogs across the room and plops down next to someone. I sit down next to Adam and this guy who I think might be Hunk. 

Shiro walks in, taking a place next to Adam, and begins the morning session. "Alright everyone, so we all know each other but we should do some quick introductions for our new people. I'm Shiro." He looks to the girl next to him.

"I'm Zethrid, Ezor's older sister and I'm working on getting legal custody over her." Everyone yielded their turn to talk in an unspoken manner. They all seem to operate really well.

"Hi! I'm Ezor!"

I was right about the girl next to Axca. "Veronica, Axca's girlfriend. Lance wanted me to say he's sorry he couldn't be here today. Big test and he wanted the day to study."

"I'm Axca." She lays her head on Veronica's shoulder.

"Romelle."

"Hey! I'm Allura, Romelle's girlfriend. I hope to see you all at the concert tonight!"

"Ah, hello! I'm Coran, I'm Allura's manager."

"Hey! I'm Hunk, I cook for you all. Sometimes I have my girlfriend Shay with me."

_Oh. Okay, my turn again. I need to figure out how to effortlessly rotate talking like the rest of them, I'm sure it's annoying enough to have another person they didn't have before but to have that new person then come in and disrupt the order must be extremely irritating._ "Keith."

"I'm Adam, Shiro's husband, as you guys know."

"Alright!" Shiro clapped his hands together. "So for morning sessions we mainly focus on setting goals for the day and just have some open conversation. So, let's start our circle and talk about at least one goal we want to set for the day!" He turns to look at Zethrid, I guess morning groups are more organized and focused because of the people who need to get to school or work.

“Well, I had a meeting with the lawyer yesterday so today I’m getting all of the paperwork I need and filling it all out, I would have done that yesterday but mostly everything was closed or had a wait. And then I’m going to bring it to the lawyer again since he said I could just stop by with it all so we could go over it.”

“Well, that sounds like a lot so make sure to pace yourself, okay?”

“I just feel like I can’t slow down. It’s been so long and I’m so close. I can’t stop.” Shiro nods along as she speaks. 

“I understand but look at it this way- you’re doing everything you can and it puts a lot of stress on you and possibly those around you. It’s been this long and everyone is safe so there’s room for you to take care of yourself as well.”

Zethrid nods and the attention moves to her sister.”Weeeellll I don’t really know of any goals other than helping Zethy as much as I can because yeah! Sorry, I’m just really tired. You can go!” Ezor gestures to Veronica.

“Well, I plan on coming to the concert- I’m also dragging Lance along because boy needs a break. Plus he’ll wanna meet the new kid.” She looks at me for a brief moment. “But not much other than that honestly. How about you?” She turns her head and looks at Axca on her shoulder.

“My goal is going to bed earlier.” Everyone in the group laughs and it moves on.

Romelle shrugs. “I dunno. I’m excited to see ‘Lura perform tonight. So maybe helping do last minute checks or anything?”

“That’s a great goal!” Shiro says, encouraging her. “No goal is bad, too small, or too big. If it’s something you want to work on then go for it. How about you Allura?”

“My goal is to put on the best show I can tonight. I’m really excited!” She has a big grin on her face. She kisses Romelle’s forehead and Coran takes his turn.

“My goal is to make sure everything runs smoothly tonight!” He didn’t really say much and there was an awkward beat of silence before Hunk realized it was his turn.

“Well, as a good bit of you know, I’ve been saving up to take Shay on a really fun vacation. I think after today I’ll be able to buy the bus tickets and tell her!” He looks at me.

I shrug. “Dunno.” I can tell that both Adam and Shiro expected this.

“Well, how about coming out to the concert tonight?” Adam looks at me as he suggests this. The way Shiro looks at me says the concert isn’t an option.

“Sure.” I say, just wanting this to be over so I can go back to my room. I felt weird about being new and having all the attention on me. I’m glad Adam’s here, it makes me feel a little less alone and I know he won’t be offended by my short reply.

“Then you and I share a goal!” Adam says and smiles. I give him a small smile as well.

It was Shiro’s turn. “My goal is to make sure everybody has fun and stays safe tonight.” He checks his watch. “As much as I would love to continue on to open discussion the school bus will be here soon and I don’t like people missing out on our group discussions. You all can go enjoy your days now!” We stand up and everyone goes about putting away chairs, Allura rushes out with Romelle, who I assume is going to get on the bus.

I’m about to head back to my room when Shiro calls for me, “Hey, Keith. C’mere a second, Adam and I want to talk to you.” I walk back over to them, judging by their faces this conversation isn’t going to be pleasant.

“What’s up?” I ask them, trying to shove my nerves aside.

Shiro opens his mouth to speak but Adam put his hand on his shoulder, interrupting his husband. “Maybe in your office?” He suggests, causing Shiro to nod. We walk in silence which doesn’t help the anxious feeling I have brewing in the pit of my stomach. It builds even more when we sit and they’re both on one side of the desk, leaving me alone.

It takes a minute for one of them to speak, it seems neither of them want to be the one to start this off. I look down and try to stop my hands from shaking. 

“Keith...” I don’t look up when Shiro says my name, “Keith, please look at us.” I lift my head, his voice is wavering. He’s nervous, too. “The police don’t think it’s a good idea for you to move in with us until the James situation is over. Until a decision is made. Obviously nothing has happened with him right now because he was only arrested yesterday but there still has to be an arraignment and then possibly a trail and...” I stop listening. It doesn’t matter, a choice was made. A choice I don’t get to have. I haven’t been able to make a choice since moving in with James so I should be used to it. But this is different, my whole life is being decided for me and I don’t get to have a say. Everyone is choosing for me. Shiro stopped talking at some point so Adam could speak. I just get up and leave the room. There’s no point in sitting in there when I’m not even listening to them.

I head to my room and lock the door behind me. I want to pull out my sketch book but opt for just laying down to stare at the ceiling, knowing that I’ll just look through my book and hate all of the work I’ve done. I guess they get the hint that I’m not really in the mood to talk because neither of them follow me and neither of them text me. I eventually get dressed and decide to go out, maybe go to that bookshop down the street. I like books. I put on some black jeans and my sneakers, leaving on my plain shirt from this morning, then leave my room to head towards the front door. I pull my phone from my pocket to check the time. 9:46 am. It doesn’t take me long to find the shop and when I do I’m greeted with Romelle reading at the register. I clear my throat and she looks up, surprised that someone was there. “Oh! Keith!” She puts a piece of paper in her book and sets it down. “How can I help you?”

“Oh, I don’t really need anything, I’m just sort of looking around but wanted to say hi. I thought you were going to help Allura today?”

She nods. “I get off at 3:00 so I’m helping her after that. What brings you here?”

I just shrug. “Dunno, honestly. Needed to clear my head, I guess. And I like books so I figured I might as well come here.”

She seems to take a second to process before speaking again. “Why do you like books?”

Her question seems odd, but I answer. “No matter how many times you read a book it’s always the same, it’s planned out from the start and you’re only surprised the first time you read through it. After that it’s the same outcome. No surprises and it goes as you expect it to. Why do you like books?”

She thinks for a minute before answering, her answer seems careful and calculated, like she’s trying not to give too much away. “Books are each their own invention. Their own world that somebody else created. Anything can be a book and there’s at least one person for every book.” She pauses for a moment before getting out of her chair. “Wait here.” She instructs before ducking out from behind the counter to disappear into the isles.

I take this time to look around and take in the store. It looks like an old library. The shelves are high and the shop has a lived-in sort of feel to it. The lights are dim and it’s warm. The register counter is right by the door and in the back corner I see a cozy area near a bay window, presumably for reading. There are chairs and a table. The bay window is padded with fluffy pillow and large bean bags on the floor. There’s a small shelf with a stack of blankets. The walls are an off white and the carpet is a deep gray. The light wooden door behind the counter is labeled as _OFFICE._

Romelle returns with a thick, brown book and hands it to me. I flip through it but the pages are all blank. I look at her with a confused expression.

“You seem like you need to make your own plan, your own invention.” She gives me a soft smile. I go to pull out my wallet but she stops me. “It’s free.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind-”

She holds up her hand. “Nope. From now on your money's no good here. The owner does this thing where each employee can choose one customer that doesn’t ever have to pay. I hadn’t found anyone until now. All I have to do is put your name on a list and whenever you bring a book to the counter just tell whoever is working your name. They’ll just mark down what you have for inventory.”

“Thank you, honestly. Thank you. This means so much to me. What made the owner decide to do this?”

“He does it because he remembers when he wouldn’t be able to always afford books- the owner of the shop he used to go to would let him just take anything he wanted. He said it didn’t have to be someone who didn’t have money- just someone deserving who really appreciates books. Sees them for their value in the world.” She smiles and pulls me into a hug, I hug her back and it’s honestly nice. I don’t usually hug people. She pulls away and goes back to the counter, she roots around in a drawer then pulls out a sticky note and pen. “Write your number down.” I give it to her and she pulls out her phone and a second later my phone vibrates in my pocket. “There. If you need anything, ever, just let me know.” I smile and thank her again before I walk out of the shop, my new object in tow.

I check my phone to see that it’s almost 10:30. I sigh, putting my phone back into my pocket. Maybe I should go back. I look at my journal and decide to stroll back to the center, I take a scenic route through a nice looking park, I don’t stay but take time looking around. Everytime I’ve ever been through here it was lugging around a drunk James in the dark, trying to avoid the cops because he would never let me drive. This park is actually really beautiful. Peaceful but brimming with energetic children, birds, pets. I walk past a cute couple cloud gazing on a picnic blanket. She’s pregnant and he has his hand over her stomach. They seem arrantly happy.

Going through the park allows it so that I get back by eleven, There’s still a long time to go before this concert. It isn’t that I don’t think I’ll enjoy it, it’s just that I don’t want to be around a lot of people right now. It’s just a bit too much for me to handle. I resign myself to me room and open my sketchbook, continuing the drawing of the lion. This specific one always seems to have a calming and ground effect on me. I’m working on some shading on the face when there’s a knock on my door. “Keith? Are you in there?” It’s Adam. I cringe and try to ignore him, I’m not ready to talk to him just yet. “You don’t have to talk, you just have to listen.”

Before answering I take a moment to breathe, deciding that I can’t avoid him or Shiro forever. “Okay.” I answer. The door inches open then Adam steps in. He adjusts his glasses and looks around my room for a second.

“Are you settling in okay?” He asks, sitting in the other desk chair and swiveling to face me. His posture is professional yet relaxed. I shrug a bit and put down my pencil so I can turn to face him. He sighs, “You know we would take you if we could. We fought and fought with the police but they were adamant. As soon as we can we’re taking you. You know that, right?” Adam is concerned that I think they don’t want me. He’s making sure I know they want me.

“It’s not your fault.” When I say this I know it’s true, if they didn’t want me they wouldn’t be doing any of this stuff for me. If they didn’t want me Adam and I wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. 

Adam nods, accepting this. “I’m glad you know that. Are you okay?” He peers over top of his glasses at me.

“I will be.”

He stands up, “Shiro and I are going to go grab some things for tonight. Do you want to come?” I smile and follow Adam out the door to the front where Shiro is standing there, he looks relieved that I followed Adam. We don’t really need any words so we just nod at each other with warm smiles and that’s enough. The car ride is short yet fun- Adam and Shiro have an affinity for 80s music so it’s always entertaining to watch them jam out. We were lucky enough to get a close spot. We grab two carts and start filling one with typical party things- all rainbow, of course. We grab cups, plates, napkins, etc. And some balloons, streamers, and other decorations. Then we find the aisle with lights grabbing small disco lights to put on the tables. Shiro says there are string lights we can hang up as well.

“I feel like this is going to look like a middle school dance.” Adam says, looking at the carts.

“I mean,” Shiro looks through the cart, “yes. But with the rest of the concert set up it’ll look much cooler. I don’t even plan on hanging the streamers- I took a quick poll and people said it would be cool to throw them and the balloons around. This is more of a hang out with live performance than a concert.”

I was looking at one of the light balls and Adam put it in the cart. “Get it for your room.” He says. We start to go further down the aisle when Shiro finds a rainbow boa and drapes it around me. “If you’re getting the light you’re also getting this.” This causes us all to laugh and I shrug, putting it in the cart.

It doesn’t take us much longer to shop and check out. Then we head back to the center to set up, when we’re done it’s only an hour before the concert. I head to take a shower and get dressed, I was hoping that since I helped I wouldn’t need to go but it looks like I still have to go. While getting ready I will time to slow, will the world to get me out of this party. No luck. I wait until fifteen minutes after it was supposed to have started, that way I would be able to slip in unnoticed since everyone would already be busy. I’m looking in the mirror, I’m wearing a red button up flannel, black beanie, and nice black jeans with some black boots and my staple fingerless gloves. I sigh, this is the outfit James would always make me wear to parties- the outfit he would parade me around in like some sort of show dog. His prize.

_The music is so loud and hurts my ears, the lights we dim and it reeked of beer and cigarettes. James is already buzzed and angry at me for not wanting to drink. “Just fucking take the cup.” James says while shoving the red plastic in my gloved hands. “Drink. I won’t even consider leaving until you’re drunk. Don’t make me look lame.”_

I shake the memory away and with defiance in my step I walk to the party. The music is loud but playing through a large speaker that Allura’s crew had brought- the band hadn’t started yet so everyone was just walking around and hanging out. _Shiro was right, this place does look pretty cool._ I grab some soda in a blue cup and start walking to the other side of the room. A tan boy with brown hair, a blue tank top, some jeans, sneakers, and a sweatshirt tied around his waist is talking to Hunk. He’s skinny and leaning against a wall, a red cup in his hand.

I walk by them but the boy moves in front of me, blocking my path. “Hey, sweetheart. You new here?” I roll my eyes and walk around him only to have him block my way again. “Why’d you come if you aren’t going to socialize?” When I just glare at him he smirks. “I’m not gonna leave you alone until I get an answer outta you, babe.” The nickname Jame used for me catches into my brain and the memory from earlier pops into my head again. I hear James. 

_“Babe, it’s fine. Just drive us home.” His words are slurred._

“ _Don’t_ call me babe.” My tone is venomous and I walk by him again. I hear him asking Hunk what my deal was but that’s it. Ezor waves me over to her and her sister, they’re talking with Axca and Veronica. I join them and Ezor hugs me. 

“Hey Keith! I like your shirt! How was your day?‘ She’s energetic as always and I’m about to answer when everyone’s attention is drawn to the stage. “We’ll talk later!” She says and joins everyone else- there’s about fifty-five people- flock around to watch the show. I hang towards the back and Romelle joins me, she’s shrunken into herself. It’s obvious she doesn’t like crowds yet doesn’t seem to want to be alone.I step a little closer but don’t want to talk so she can pay attention to Allura. The band does their set and it’s really good. Allura makes good music. When it’s over Romelle ducks out to go find her girlfriend and I’m almost out the doorway to go back to my room when a purple streamer flies past me. I turn to see the tan boy from earlier. I cross my arms and watch as he approaches me. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you or anything.” He says and offers a hand. “The name’s Lance.”

“Keith.” I drop my arms but don’t take his hand.

“I hang around here a lot so if you need anything I’m your guy!” he smiles and a light going over his face makes his freckles noticeable. I nod and walk away, I guess this was enough for Lance because he lets me go.

As I’m changing I feel a bit guilty for not staying longer but it was too much with the noise and people, not to mention those random flashes of James. I decided it might be good to go to bed. I notice the light ball on my desk and tell myself I set it up tomorrow. Shiro told everyone that we wouldn’t have group tonight or tomorrow because everyone was going to be tired, which I’m grateful for. It doesn’t take me long to fall into a dreamless but much needed sleep.

It only feels like a second before I’m being woken up by the sun but I feel rested last night gets shaken away. I, still in my pyjamas, go out to get some breakfast and see more people than normal. Lance and Veronica are there, too. Acxa, Zethrid, Ezor, Romelle, Allura, Coran, Hunk, and a girl I don’t recognize sitting next to Hunk. Everyone’s in their pyjamas. They must have spent the night.

“I still can’t believe you made an entire breakfast buffet. How were you not tired?”

“Oh, trust me, I’m exhausted. But with Shay’s help it was nothing.”

“You and Shay are the absolute best.” He says and he notices me. “Morning, bab- sweetheart. Nice bedhead, looks like you’ve got quite the mullet there.” I ignore him and grab some sausage and eggs from the buffet. Then some french toast. I try to go back to my room to eat but Lance stands up in front of me. “C’mon, don’t be lame. Sit! There’s a spot next to me that’s got your name written all over it.” He has a huge smile on his face.

_“Don’t be lame.”_ James’ voice goes through my head making me shiver. I don’t remember doing it but I’m sitting next to Lance. Everyone’s talking but Lance stop listening to look at me. “You’re not eating.” He points out.

I snap out of my head and look at him. “Huh?” I say, having not heard him.

“You’re not eating.” He repeats. “You okay? You don’t actually have to stay, you can go if you want. I can understand if you have problems with eating around people or something. I’m sorry if I upset you.”

“No, I don’t have problems with food.” Which is true. I start to eat.

“Then what’s up?” He asks, I finish my fork-full of eggs. 

I shrug. “I guess I’m just tired.” I eat some more eggs.

“It’s cool, you don’t have to tell me. I get it!” He smiles. “Just know if it’s something I did I won’t be able to fix it until I know what it is.” I just shrug again and finish my breakfast in silence.


	3. Chapter Three

It was later in the day when Lance came to find me. He knocked on my door, even though it was open. I raised my eyebrow at him, looking away from my sketch book.

"What?" He asked, looking as confused as I was.

"You knocked. Why? It's open."

"It's your room, sweetheart. I didn't wanna just walk in. That's rude." He was still standing in the doorway.

"It is?" My eyebrows furrow. "I've never heard of that before, I just thought it was something Shiro and Adam did." He laughed, not seeming to believe me. "Why're you still in the doorway?" He stopped laughing and once again looked confused and then he seemed to realize something.

"Wait, you actually haven- oh! I was waiting for you to tell me to come in." 

"Oh, uh. Yeah. Sit wherever, I guess. It's cool. What's up?"

He moved into the room, sitting on the other bed. He looked relaxed but nervous. "I was just curious about the new kid. How long've you been here?"

I shrugged a bit. "Not long."

"How did you find out about this place?"

"Shiro." This topic was getting uncomfortable, I start fidgeting with the pencil I was using. He looks at me like he's waiting for more of an answer. "I've known him a long time, he's like an odd mixture of dad and brother." I'm trying not to give too much away. Lance smiles and I can see his teeth, they're pretty white.

"Shiro's a great person." He pauses for a moment, looking uncertain. "Can I ask you something?"

I shrug, tapping the pencil on my wrist with both my hands in my lap. I swallow, a nervous feeling forming in my core. 

"What brought you here?" He keeps his tone even and kind. His eyes look sincere. It gets harder for me to breathe and I tap the pencil more. "Sweetheart, you don't have to answer, it's okay. We can talk about something else or I can go- not everyone can open up."

"I, uhm. It's just a lot. I'm not usually… open… with people." I scratch the back of my neck and look down. _He's going to get mad._ My chest tightens more.

"I completely get it. What do you want to talk about?" He doesn’t sound angry.

"Y-you're not mad?" I slowly look up at him. He gets up and I flinch a bit then look down, causing him to slow down his movements and kneel in front of me.

"Keith." He says my name quiet and slow.

"Yeah?" I stare at my hands, fidgeting with the pencil.

"Sweetheart, could you look at me?" He tilts his head so I can see it in my peripheral. "Please?" I move my head up to see that he looks different than I've seen him. He looks very soft, concerned. "Look, I can piece this together- or at least part of it. It's going to be okay. You're safe. I don't know all of what happened, I won't pretend to either. I don't know what it's like. But I can sympathize. If you need anything, I spend a majority of my spare time here."

I flick my eyes away from his and to my hands again. They're shaking slightly, my chest is tighter. It's hard to breathe. I'm on the brink of crying. I can't find my voice. _Panic attack._ I want to tell him to leave but I can't and the shaking gets worse, more noticeable. I drop my pencil. "Keith? Sweetheart?" I barely hear his voice, it's far away but right next to me all at once. "Let me get you some water. I'll be right back, okay?" I barely register him leave the room and the sound of the door closing echoed in my head. The sound reminds me of an angry James.

_He's slamming the front door. I missed three of his calls. "Get your ass over here. NOW!" I rush to him, knowing it'll be worse if I don't. He grabs my shoulders, holding me in place. "Why the fuck didn't you answer your fucking phone?"_

_"I'm sorry. I-"_

_"I don't want any FUCKING excuses!"_

_"James, I’m sorry. Okay? I'm so so so sorry. I didn't mean to. I’m sorry." I just keep repeating is over and over, hoping it's enough._

"-eetheart? Hey, Keith." Lance is in front of me with the water. I'm borderline hyperventilating. "Come back to me. You're right here, you're safe." He watches me as he sets the glass on my desk. "Put your head between your knees, it'll help your breathing.” I do what he says and within a few minutes my breathing slows and I'm just sobbing. He slowly brings his hand to my back, rubbing in circles. "Keith, are you back?" I nod and he slides me from my chair so he can help me over to my bed.

"Do you take any medicine? Do I need to get someone?" I shake my head no while he grabs the glass and holds it so that I can take a sip. "You should lay down." He helps me do that, too.

_I'm weak. I'm too vulnerable. I’m too much trouble._

I stop sobbing after awhile. "I'm sorry." My voice is broken and small. Lance looks at me from where he was on the floor- he has to take his back away from my bed to do so. 

"You're not apologizing. You have nothing to apologize for.” I curl into myself, embarrassed. “You were apologizing to a guy named James. Whoever he is, he really did a number on you huh?” I just shrug.”Don’t dismiss it, it happened. It’s real.”

“Alone...” I say with the same small voice from before.

“No, Keith. You aren’t alone. You have so many people who-”

“No. _Alone._ I want to be alone.”

It takes him a second to realize what I was asking. “Oh! Of course, sweetheart. I’ll leave my number in your sketchbook, don’t worry I’ll write lightly so it won’t leave marks, that way you can reach me if you need me. Okay?” He leaves his number and closes the door behind him when he leaves.

_He saw you break. He knows you’re weak. Knows you’re nothing, that’s another person now. None of this would be happening if you hadn’t left the house- if you had just stayed with James. This is your fault and you know it._

Despite it being in the middle of the day I try to sleep, I don’t have any dreams but I wake to Shiro by my bed. He’s rubbing my shoulder to wake me for presumably group. “Hey, kiddo. Are you okay?” He’s using his concerned dad voice. 

I nod my head and sit up. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

This just causes him to sigh. “Lance told me.”

“Oh.” I look away from him, unable to see the look he gets. It’s the same look one would give to a lost child. I mean I guess I am lost in a way but I don’t like being treated like it. 

“You don’t have to talk to me about it if you don’t want to. I just thought it would be easier if I told you I already knew. You aren’t the best at opening the first line of communication when it comes to this sort of thing.”

“I’m okay, it’s nothing new. I can handle it.”

Shiro nods and stands up I end up following him out the door and to the group room where everyone is already set in the circle. Adam sits me in the seat next to him and Shiro on the other side. “Alright everyone! This is going to be a bit of a different talk since we didn’t have group this morning or last night but I want to know how everyone is doing, what you all thought of the concert, and still the high and low of the day. Adam, do you want to start?”

“Well, I’m doing really well. The concert was lots of fun not only for me but everyone else as well. And-”

I zone out, I don’t mean to and I don’t want to be rude but it just happens. Shiro calls it dissociating. It’s hard to prevent on your own and hard to get out of. Shiro says touching someone to get their attention during a dissociative episode is dangerous because it could trigger something. I don’t snap out of it until sometime after group. Adam and Shiro are now sitting next to each other in hushed conversation. I feel disoriented and look around the group room. Everything is put away except for our three chairs.

“Hey, welcome back. How are you feeling?” Shiro looks over Adam's shoulder at me. I give my signature shrug.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to miss group.” I stand and out my chair away with the two following suit.

“Don’t worry, everyone understood. Besides, you can’t control it. It’s not your fault. What was the last thing you remember?” Adam asks.

“You were talking.” I reply after thinking for a moment.

“Okay so you missed about an hour or so.”

“I think I’m going to go to bed. ‘Night, guys.” I leave the room in favor of my own as goodnight is called after me. I wanted to leave the conversation before they began to ask me what was wrong.

I know I won’t be able to fall asleep but I can draw, when I sit down at my desk I had forgotten Lance put his number on the page earlier today. I don’t see the harm in saving it to my phone before I erase it. He did indeed write light enough to avoid marks- I appreciate it. I don’t work on my lion but I do sketch a few other things. I drew an elf man, some eyes, and just random doodles.

I did this to pass the time and when I checked it was around eleven fifteen. I’m not even tired. I think of pulling out my journal but can’t think of anything to write. I set up the light I got- hoping it would take longer than it did. I shower, but that only takes ten minutes. I was hoping the hot water would help my muscles relax and make it so my body was tired, but it didn’t. I struggle to find something to do. I can’t go outside, it’s already past curfew. I sigh heavily and lie down in my bed and close my eyes. I think that if I stay like this long enough I’ll be able to sleep. I lay there for a long time before giving up and grabbing my phone. It’s almost one. 

I don’t know why but I text Lance. 

**K: I can’t sleep**

I was shocked when he answered as quickly as he did.

**L: Uhm…?** Was all he said.

**K: I’m sorry. I’m not even sure what made me text you. I guess it’s a little weird to talk to you out of nowhere this late**

**L: Who is this?**

_Oh. Right. He gave me his number but he doesn’t have mine._

**K: Sorry. It’s Keith. Is it okay to text you like this?**

**L: Don’t apologize, I just wasn’t sure who this was at first. in all honesty I didn’t expect you to text me.**

**K: Is it okay to text you like this?**

**L: Of course it’s okay for you to text, sweetheart ;)**

**K: Why do you call me that?**

**L: You haven’t told me to stop. If you want we can call? It’ll keep your eyes and brain awake if we’re texting. On a phone call you can close your eyes**

**K: I mean, yeah. Sure**

My phone started buzzing almost instantly, I picked it up just as fast. “Hey.” I said, keeping my voice low, yes I had my own room, but I still wanted to be as considerate as I could.

Lance yawned and answered. “Hiya, sweetheart. Why can’t you sleep?”

“You yawned.” I roll over to my other side, facing the wall. My light is still off.

“Great observation.” He chuckled.

“I woke you.”

“Doesn’t matter. I told you that I was here for you, I meant it. Now, answer my question because I’m not going to bed until you’re asleep.” I stay silent. “It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. That’s _always_ an option- you don’t ever have to talk about anything you don’t want to.”

My phone starts buzzing, I’m getting a call. “Hang on, I’m getting a call”, I say to Lance before pulling my phone away from my face to look at the screen. It’s the same number James tried to call me from before. I ignore it and go back to Lance, though afraid of what’s going to happen when I see James again. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. Was it important?”

“I wouldn’t know, I didn’t answer it.”

He laughs some. “That’s true. In case it isn’t obvious, you should turn off your lights and lay down.”

“It was obvious.” I don’t know how but I can hear him smirk over the phone. 

“Okay, smart-ass. I was just making sure.” He stifles another yawn but speaks before I can say anything. “How was group?”

“I don’t know.”

“Did you not go?” He sounds worried. 

“I did. I just do this thing sometimes where I zone out but more than most people, Shiro calls it-”

“Dissociating.” Lance finishes for me. “Yeah, that usually happens when people are under a lot of stress. It’s also probably why you aren’t sleeping. The dissociating combined with what happened before I left, you probably napped right?”

“Yeah.” 

“Well, sweetheart, we just gotta work on getting your stress levels down.”

“Easier said than done.”

“I have my ways. I’m coming tomorrow so we can work through some stuff then.” I acknowledge him with a slight hum. “Are you okay?”

“I mean, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I’ve never really known anything but...” it takes me a moment to choose my words without giving too much away, “...James,” that’s good, “for a long time. I don’t really have anything to compare it to.”

“Who is James?”

“Complicated.” I shut that door and deadbolt it.

“Are you going to see him again?”

I take a moment to consider this. “I don’t know. If it were up to Shiro then no.”

He sounds surprised when he responds. “It’s not up to Shiro, though. It’s up to you. Do you want to see him again?”

“Nothing is up to me. My whole life has always been decided for me.” I avoid his question.

“Sweetheart, do you want to see James again?” 

_Damn. This boy doesn’t let anything by._ “Like I said, I don’t have a choice.”

“You always have a choice. Do you want to see him again?”

_There’s no avoiding this question._ “It’s complicated. I don’t even fully know what’s going on. He was the one who called a bit ago.”

“So you’re avoiding communication?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You ignored his call.”

“I’m on the phone with you.” Our conversation is moving quick, our responses are fast, almost instinctual. 

“Oh?” I can hear that smirk again. “ So you’d rather talk to me than James?”

“Yes.” _Shit. I didn’t mean to say that._

“And if you weren’t on the phone with me, would you have answered him?”

“I have to.”

“You don’t have to, sweetheart. If you had to you would have taken it earlier.”

I open and shut my mouth trying to find a way to reply when Lance yawns again and I feel guilty. “Lance, go to bed.”

“Not until you’re asleep.”

“I’m serious, you’re tired.”

He laughs. “I’m serious too, sweetheart. Does music help you sleep?”

“That’s random. What did you have in mind? Singing me a lullaby?”

He laughs again, it’s warm and good natured. “Close. I have a piano in my room.”

“I didn’t peg you for the musical type.‘

That gets another chuckle from him. “Nobody does. I’m not that good at it, I just dabble.” I yawn and if I didn’t have Lance’s attention before I do now. “Awe, sweetheart. You’re sleepy.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re so boring?” This time it’s my turn to laugh.

“Does music help?” He asks, glossing over my banter.

“Yeah, actually.” I adjust myself in my bed, getting more comfortable.

“I’ll play a basic one, Brahms Lullaby. Put your phone on speaker and set it somewhere so you aren’t going to lose it in your bed. Goodnight, sweetheart.” I do as he says, putting my phone on charge. 

“‘Night, Lance.” Soon I begin to hear a vaguely familiar melody come from my phone’s speaker.

_My phone ringing. It’s James. I answer but before I can even get a word out he’s yelling at me._

_“WHY THE FUCK HAVEN’T YOU BEEN ANSWERING ME? HOW MANY TIMES DID I HAVE TO CALL YOU BEFORE YOU FINALLY PICKED UP? YOU’RE SO FUCKING USELESS. LET ME GUESS, YOU WERE JUST CHEATING ON ME- WEREN’T YOU? OUT FUCKING SOME RANDOM GUY, HUH? IS THAT WAS YOU WERE DOING? FUCKING ANSWER ME WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU!”_

_“N-no. No, I’m not. I swear, I was just asleep. I’m sorry, I promise it won’t happen again.”_

_“You better have dinner fucking ready for me when I get home- you hear me?”_

_“I hear you.” ”He hangs up on me. I sink to the floor and cry. I soon stop before I realize I have to make him dinner. I make him some steak, mashed potatoes, gravy, and corn on the cob. He says nothing while we sit and eat. When we’re done he gets up and walks away, telling me to do the dishes before anything else. Once I’m done with that I sit in the living room with him. He’s watching a TV show I don’t know and drinking a beer. “How was you day?” I ask him. He likes it when I ask him how his day was. He says it makes us feel more domesticated._

_“My day was fucking horrible. Now shut your mouth, I’m watching TV.” I get up and take a bath before climbing into bed._

The sun shines through my curtains and when I check, Lance and I are still on a call. I hang up then walk out into the room about ten minutes before group is supposed to start. I would set up the chairs but I don’t know how many people are going to be here. I try my best and hope it’s enough. I count out the chairs for the main people and add a few- making sure to count one for Lance. He said he was going to be here today- but I just don’t know what time.

People soon start filing in then the whole circle is filled- there’s no Lance though. We didn’t have any extra people.

“Good morning everybody! Why don’t we move the extra chairs out and get a little closer together?” Once we do this Shiro starts group, it isn’t anything notable except for the therapist coming in three days and the doctor in a week. Shiro asks to talk to me after group, so we go to his office.

“Keith, there’s been an update. James made bail, Adam and I talked last night and we think it would be safe if you didn’t go too far alone until we’re able to get a protective or restraining order.” He speaks carefully and watches my reaction.

“I mean, I don’t really go anywhere anyways so. This doesn’t really do much. Is that all you wanted to talk about?”

Shiro looks somber. “Keith, I wish you would get out of this mentality. This does do much. This does a lot, actually. He’s out there right now and we can’t do anything about it. Doesn’t that bother you?”

“Honestly, I don’t really care. I’ve never had control of anything in my life before so this is nothing new. If anything it’s familiar. I know how to play this game, I’ve been doing it for a long time now.”

He sighs. “I’d like for you to try and talk to the therapist.”

I roll my eyes. “I don’t even talk to you or Adam about my problems. What makes you think I can talk to a complete stranger?”

“Please, Keith? Just at least introduce yourself.”

“Fine. I’ll introduce myself. But that’s it. I’m not talking.”

He doesn’t seem to like my answer. “You can go if you’d like to.”

I nod and walk out the door. I know I disappointed him. I know he’s upset, but at the moment I think the best thing I can do for him is to give him some space. I text him a quick apology and accidentally knocked into someone while I was walking. 

“Careful, sweetheart. Don’t want you falling for me just yet- we barely know each other.” I roll my eyes and look up- he winks at me.

“You wish.” I look back at my phone to make sure the message sent. It did.

“You snore.”

I look back at him, confused. “Huh?”

“You snore. It’s cute.” He looks at my face and frowns a little. “When were you crying?” He brings his thumbs up and gently wipes them across my cheeks, getting rid of dried tears.

“I don’t know, actually. Maybe it was the dream I had?” I shrug and start walking back to my room, motioning for Lance to follow.

“Do you want to talk about it?” His strides match up with mine.

“Well, it wasn’t a dream so much as a memory.”

“James?” He asks, as we sit down in my room. We each have a desk chair.

“Yeah. It’s cool though. It isn’t that big of a deal.” Lance looks like he wants to say something but I keep talking. “I did want to talk to you, though.”

“What about, sweetheart?” He slides his chair closer to mine, if we each put our arms out we could touch.

“About last night. I’m really sorry for waking you. I didn’t mean to. I don’t even know why I-” 

Lance puts his hand up, silencing me. “You have nothing to say sorry for. I told you to talk to me if you needed me, and you did. There’s nothing wrong with it. I’m actually glad we did get to talk, it means you weren’t alone. I will tell you as many times as I need to that you don’t have to be sorry.”

“Thank you for being there.”

His smile is warm. The word warm suits him. He’s a warm person, everything about him is warm and inviting. “Anytime, sweetheart. Now, if you’re up for it, I say we work on lowering some of your stress to help you sleep.”

“My middle name is stressed.”

“That is a horrible middle name.” He says that without even thinking as he gathers some paper and pens. I didn’t notice he had a bag with him until just now. He hands me a bit of paper and a pen. “I want you to make a list of things that are stressing you out right now, if you’re okay with it I’ll look at it and go over it with you.”

“Are you trying to be my shrink?”

“I’m a psych major so I guess. I want to become a therapist.”

“Shiro wants me to talk to the one that’s coming here.”

“Do you want to?”

“No. I don’t even talk to him and Adam about everything. Why would I talk to someone I don’t even know?”

Lance ponders this. “What if instead of the therapist you talked to me? You already know me, you already know you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to.”

“I mean… I guess we could try it?”

He seems excited. “Make the list, I’m going to tell Shiro so he knows- unless you don’t want him to?”

“You can tell him.”

“I’ll be right back, sweetheart.”

The list for Lance is short but it’s all loaded. __

_James  
Being here_

It doesn't take long for Lance to come back. "Where're you at with your list, sweetheart?" I hand him the paper. "Hm. Well. It's not very long, which is a good thing. But I'm guessing that means each of these has a lot to it- I already know James isn't up for much discussion so would you want to try the second one?" I shrug. "Okay, well, as always you don't have to talk about things if you don't want to. Why does being here stress you out?"

"I don't know what's going on- anything could happen and I don't have control." 

“What makes you feel like you don’t have control? From what I’ve heard you have much more control here than you did with James.”

“I have more, yeah. But...” I trail off, not knowing if this was something I wanted to talk about.

“But? But what?”

I bite the bullet. “But I can’t decide where to live, I can’t go anywhere on my own anymore, I can’t know what’s happening with James, I have the schedule to keep here, I can’t get a job until James gets done everything since I’m not allowed to go anywhere alone, I can’t decide anything for myself anymore. Everyone is choosing how my life goes and I don’t get to have a say. I’m expected to just let everything happen and go along with it.” Lance was writing things down while I was talking.

“Okay, let’s unpack each of those. Why can’t you go anywhere by yourself?”

“James.” Not talking about that today.

“Why can’t you know anything about James?”

“Police. The only thing I know is that he’s out of holding. Shiro says he’s going to try and get a protective or restraining order.”

“So, it seems to me the core of this is all James, who you don’t want to talk about.” Lance says after some silence. I don’t say anything. _He’s getting too close, this was a mistake. He knows too much. He’s going to keep trying to talk about this._ “It’s okay to not want to talk about it, really. I get that it’s hard. I get that this is stressful, I do.”

“How the fuck do you get it? You’ve said you haven’t been through anything like this before! You even had to run this by Shiro first- even you’re trying to decide stuff for me. You’re just using me as practice for your fucking college or some shit.”

He doesn’t look hurt, well he doesn’t look anything. I can’t really tell what he’s thinking or feeling. He’s hiding it really well. “Keith, I-”

“I want to be alone.” I look away from him and pull out my sketchbook, opening to a random page. Lance doesn’t say anything until he’s almost out the door.

“You have my number if you need me.” Then he leaves, shutting the door behind him.


	4. Chapter Four

It’s been a few days after I pushed Lance away, the therapist is here and Shiro said the doctor had to move her visit to today as well, a checkup was mandatory for the Perms. My checkup went well, nothing wrong. I’m avoiding Shiro, Lance, and the therapist. I’ve been in my room all day and honestly I’m bored. I can’t leave without someone so I’m just stuck. As always. I’m stuck.

There’s a knock on my door. “Keith? It’s Lance. You don’t have to talk, you don’t even have to let me in. I just want to say what I have to say.” He pauses, waiting to see if something will happen. Nothing does. “I’m sorry I made you feel like I was using you. I honestly just want to help and I pushed too far. I’m sorry you’re going through all of this, and you’re right. I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t know what it’s like but one thing I do know is that you can’t go through this alone. So, whether it’s me, Shiro, Adam, the therapist, or someone else- please, just… just talk to someone.”

I feel bad but I don’t want to open the door. I can’t bring myself to face him, I know I wasn’t the best and I feel bad. Yet, here he is saying sorry when I should be the one apologizing to him. I get up to open the door, but when I do he’s gone. I close it and sit down at my desk. I flip to a blank page in my sketchbook. I start out with simple lines and curves, starting the base. Soon the page is full; I drew Lance’s eyes. The way they looked when I first met him and the way they looked when I yelled at him. Light and happy, then hurt. Pained. It’s a watercolor, the light and dark blues mixed with the tans for his skin. The dark brown freckles that dot his nose and cheeks. 

I stare at the page, regretting what I said to him. Regretting that I hurt him. This is why I need to stay away from people, I hurt them. I feel awful. I’m horrible. I feel a tear slip down my face and wipe it away before it can fall from my chin. I don’t know how long it’s been since Lance said what he did- I lose track of time when I draw. I sit for a few more moments, looking at my drawing and sigh. I know I need to apologize, I pull out my phone and text him.

**K: hey…**

I’m shocked when he responds before I can even put my phone down.

**L: Are you okay?**

_He’s asking me if I’m okay? What about him? What about what I said, what I did?_

**K: It doesn’t matter.**

**L: Of course it matters if you’re okay**

**K: Can we talk? Like in person?**

**L: Of course we can. Are you in your room? Do you want me to come there? We can go somewhere, too. I doubt you’ve gotten outside lately**

**K: Anywhere is fine with me- I just really need to talk to you**

His response takes longer than usual, making me worry a little.

**L: Do you like ice cream?**

**K: I’m lactose intolerant, of course I love ice cream**

**L: Haha, get dressed. I’m going to finish this thing with Hunk then I’ll head to your room- about 10 min**

**K: Ok**

I set my phone down and change, which basically means going from pyjama pants to black jeans. I slip on my shoes and put away my sketchbook. I brush my teeth and ignore my messy hair then grab my wallet and phone. It takes a few minutes before Lance is knocking on my door. I take a deep breath and open it, giving him a small smile. “Ready to go, sweetheart?” He smiles and it’s genuine, which confuses me because I haven’t done anything to deserve it. I don’t think I can ever do something to deserve it. I zone out for a second. “Keith?” I look at him again and give another small smile.

“Yeah, let’s go.” With that I start walking towards the front door, Lance just a step or two behind. When I open the door I have to squint, it’s really sunny outside. There’s a light breeze and it’s really warm.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” He asks as we walk down the street. He directs our walk towards the subway station.

“The fact I have no idea where we’re going is a good place to start.”

“Oh! Sorry, there’s an ice cream place about a five minute walk from Altea park.”

“Why are we taking a half hour ride just to get ice cream when there are like a bazillion places here?” He walked up to the machine and got two subway cards. “I would have gotten my card, you didn’t have to.”

“Because they have lactose free stuff. And it’s not expensive, but even if it was I don’t care. Sue me if you don’t like getting spoiled, sweetheart.” He smirked and we walked to the platform, we’re only going to have to wait two minutes before boarding. He stands close to me, but not touching. A train passes and it’s so loud. It makes me think of all the times I drug a drunken James home or the nights I spent trying not to get caught sleeping here because he locked me out. I shrink inward and unconsciously lean the tiniest bit towards Lance. “I have some ear buds if you need them.” He’s casual, as if what he said was’t completely random..

“Huh?”

“If it’s too loud you can use them.” He looks at me, handing over a pair of blue earbuds- untangled. _Okay, not a completely random thing for him to say after all._

“It’s okay. Thanks, though.” Lance glances at me before putting them back into his pocket. “Thank you for being willing to talk to me.” Our train comes to a stop and we board, sitting next to each other, me by the window.

“Of course, Keith. I’m glad you wanted to talk, I was really worried about you.” His tone is soft and serious, I don’t get it.

“Why were you worried about me? I was the one being an asshole.”

“No!” He seems upset that I said that. “You haven’t talked to anyone, I’m assuming ever, and I pushed too far. I don’t know your last name or how old you are and there I was trying to get you to open up to me. You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Kogane. Seventeen.”

“McClain, nineteen and I never fuckin’ learned how to read.”

“Huh? You can’t read? Aren’t you in college?”

Lance just starts laughing. And laughing. A few people actually looked at him. “Keith, sweetheart. It’s a _Vine._ ” He says, gasping for breath.

“What’s a Vine? Because I’m assuming you don’t mean a plant.”

“How have you _not_ heard of Vine? Rest in peace to the birthplace of some of the greatest memes.”

“Is it a bad time to also mention I don’t know what a meme is?”

“Do you not have social media?”

“James didn’t-” I stop a moment. “I just never really got into it.”

Even though I tried to backtrack and cover it up I know Lance heard the part about James. He’s not stupid, he can probably figure that out. However, he just glosses over it- surprisingly. We spend the rest of the train ride with Lance showing me different memes on his phone and promises to introduce me to Vine when we have more time. 

The stand is really small, but as Lance said they had lactose free. I got chocolate and Lance got pistachio. Weird. We find a bench near the pond and talk. It’s nice, we aren’t really talking about anything in particular. Shiro texted me a while ago to ask where I was, but when I told him I was with Lance and what we were doing he told me not to worry about group since we were so far away. Lance went to throw away our trash and use the bathroom so I just sat on the bench.

After a few moments I felt a rough hand on my shoulder and looked up to see James. “Stand up.” He’s pissed. I stand up and he grabs my shirt collar, pulling me close. “Who the _hell_ is that boy you’re with? You’re fucking cheating on me, aren’t you.” I shake my head no. “Fucking say it!” He tightens his hold and shakes me a bit. My chest tightens and I can’t breathe. Out of the corner of my eye I think I see Lance, but I’m not sure. “Don’t forget who you belong to. You’re fucking _mine_ , got it? I saved you from your parents- or did you forget that? It wasn’t Shiro or the cops. It was ME! You. Owe. Me. You’ve been hiding out at that fucking Center, haven’t you?” He lets go and pushes me to the ground. I don’t know what happened but Lance is suddenly next to me and James is being drug off by park security.

I start shaking and Lance helps me put my head between my knees to get my breathing under control. He’s rubbing my back and whispering things I can’t understand. “Hey...” Lance says, running his free hand through my hair. “Can you stand up? We don’t have to go back to the Center but I think we should move.” I nod, Lance helps me stand up. I stare at the ground as we walk. “Do you want to go back to the Center?” I think of Shiro and how upset he’ll be. He’ll probably call Adam and they’ll make a huge fuss about it. So I shake my head no. “That’s okay. Would you want to come to my house? Veronica and I rent together but she’s already told me she won’t be home tonight. It’s okay if you don’t want to, we can figure something else out if not.”

“We can.” I hate how I sound right now. I sound small, weak, fragile. I despise it. I despise myself.

The ride back is quiet, I keep looking around to make sure James isn’t there.”It’s okay.” Lance whispers after I check for the sixth time. We aren’t even five minutes in. “He’s not following.” I flick my eyes towards him, take one last look around the train, and look down at my clasped hands. Lance, very slowly, moves his hand in my view then gently places them over mine and squeezes to add a bit of pressure. “We’ll be at my house soon, I promise.”

The rest of the ride was silent and the five minute walk to his house felt like it took hours. I kept looking over my shoulder, the sun had long since set so I was even more paranoid. I was able to relax a little once Lance got us inside. He locked the door and stepped inside. I still hadn’t moved and stared at my shoes. “Sweetheart, can you look at me please?”It takes me a second but I do. “Keith! You’re bleeding!” I furrow my brows, touching my face until I find out I busted my lip. I must have bitten it when James pushed me down.

“C’mon, sweetheart. We’ll clean this up.” He takes me into his kitchen and has me sit on the table because apparently the chair is too short. He uses a paper towel to dab at my lip with precision and I can see in his eyes that he’s really upset. When he’s done and the bleeding stops he turns to wash his hands in the sink once he threw away the paper towel. 

“I’m sorry.” He turns around almost instantly. 

“This is _not_ your fault.”

“If I hadn’t of left him then-”

He covers my mouth with his hand. “Listen to me very carefully. You did the right thing by leaving. You do not owe him. This is not your fault. None of what he said is true. You do not belong to him. He did not save you. I have no idea what happened with your parents, but he. Did. Not. Save you. Okay?” I nod and he moves his hand away. I take a shaky breath. “Do you want to shower? Change your clothes?” I nod. “Okay, I’ll get you a towel and some clothes. Are sweatpants and a t-shirt okay?” Another nod. I follow him to the bathroom and he leaves to get the stuff, returning a moment later. He leaves the room, closing the door behind him. I don’t take too long, I don’t know if he has to pay for water or if he’ll shower and I want him to have hot water if he does. I’m out in five minutes.

The clothes Lance left me are actually really comfortable. The shirt smells like him, it helped in a weird way. I fold the towel, along with my clothes, and carry them out with me. I find Lance in the living room watching TV. He looks at me when I walk in. “Hey, that was quick. I can take those for you, sweetheart.” He stands up and takes the stack, smiling at me. “Make yourself at home, help yourself to anything in the kitchen. Mí casa es su casa.” He walks past me and goes into a door down the hall. I hear what I can only assume is a washer getting started.

My phone rings, Lance put it on charge but I don’t remember when. “Hello?”  
Shiro is calm but sounds worried.. “Hey, it’s getting really late. Are you coming back tonight?”

I don’t want to tell him about James. “Oh, sorry. No. I’m with Lance for tonight. I would have texted earlier but my phone died. We’re at his house.”

His reply is definitely happier. “Okay! Well I won’t keep you then. I just called to see where you were and to tell you that group is optional now.”

“Why? Did something happen?”

“No, nothing in particular. Acxa just brought up that she didn’t think they should be mandatory. Everyone agreed, we talked about it, put it to a vote, and yeah.” Shiro continued when my only response was a slight hum. It caused him to chuckle. “I can tell you’re tired. Goodnight, Keith.”

“Night, Shiro.” The phone disconnected and I turned to see a light on in the kitchen. Lance had two water bottles in his hand, he turned out the light.

“Here.” He handed one to me. “What do you want to do sweetheart?” I shrug. “TV?” He suggests, I decide it’s a good option. We sit down and Lance loads up Netflix. “What type of shows do you like?”

“Whatever you want.” James never really let me watch TV on my own. It was pretty much what he wanted. We didn’t have cable and he never let me have the Netflix information.

“That’s not what I asked, sweetheart.”

“I’m not much of a TV person.”

Lance seems to decide on his words, being selective. Speaking slowly and watching my reaction the whole time. “Were you allowed to watch without Ja- on your own?” I just shrug, not wanting to get into it- especially tonight. Lance just nods, not really sure what to say.

I look down, not wanting to see Lance’s face- I think I upset him. I didn’t mean to, I didn’t want to. I think for a moment, think of a way to make this better. “I uhm...” I pause then continue when Lance looks at me expectantly, “I liked when he would watch horror. I dunno, I just like the genre.”

“Yeah?” Lance looked happy- which is good. I really don’t like upsetting him. “Do you have one in mind that you wanna watch?” I shake my head no. “That’s okay, we can look through until you see one.” Eventually Lance gets me to pick a movie.I think it’s kind of boring but Lance seems really engrossed in it, about halfway through I guess I fell asleep because the next I know Lance is rubbing my shoulder. “Hey, sweetheart.” He’s whispering. “Sorry to wake you but you should move. You can sleep in my bed.”

I open my eyes and sit up straight, I had leaned and my head was resting on his shoulder. “‘M fine here.”

“If you’re worried about taking my bed Veronica said I could sleep in her room. C’mon.” He helped me stand up, my limbs stiff. I stretched a bit and Lance showed me where his room was, then where Veronica’s was if I needed anything. “If you get hungry or anything the kitchen is open. If you need me for something don’t be afraid to wake me up, okay?” I nodded. “Sweet dreams, sweetheart.” His went to Veronica’s room and when I walked away to Lance’s I heard a door shut behind me. I climbed into bed, the bed that smelled like Lance, and fell asleep almost instantly.

_James is furiously dragging me through the subway. A few people look but I guess since I’m compliant they don’t care. His grip is bone shattering and doesn’t leave my wrist the whole ride home. He’s silently seething and I try to prepare myself for what’s going to happen once we’re alone. I’m soon getting shoved inside and once the door is shut I’m slammed against it. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” I try to apologize but he hits me and slams me to the door again. I really screwed up this time. “This is your fucking fault. I’m going to-” Slam. “This. Is. Your. Fault.” Each word is punctuated with a slam against the door. My vision becomes in and out of focus and I hope to fall unconscious to stop the pounding ache that’s formed. But I don’t. I’m never so lucky. He punches my jaw, it hurts so much. He throws me to the floor and storms out of the house, leaving me alone. On the floor. Crying. It hurts so so so much._

I wake up and all I can hear is someone screaming through choked sobs. Lance is running his hand through my hair and I realize that I’m the one screaming. I try to stop and end up just gasping and coughing. It takes a while before I get my breathing back to normal. But then I just start sobbing again. Lance pulls me into a hug. A proper hug. I froze for a moment, not sure what to do, but then I wrapped my arms around him. Holding on perhaps a little too tightly. “It’s okay.” Lance softly chants as he rocks us. I cling to him because he’s the only thing stable right now.

I calm down but still cling to him, not quite ready to relinquish his warmth. His comfort. “Do you want to talk about it?” His tone reminds me of the one Shiro uses when James would hurt me. I don’t make any more attempts to answer him. I can hear him but my body won’t move to respond. Pretty soon it just kind of stops.

Next I know it’s morning, I was clinging to Lance and he was asleep. We were under the covers I either fell asleep- unlikely- or had a dissociative episode then fell asleep- probable. I don’t want to wake Lance but I feel like I need to move. James always said it was annoying to wake up with me clinging to him like this, even though we had separate rooms I was sleep walker. I’m trying to figure out the easiest way to move when the arm Lance has around me tightens. He rubs his hand up and down my back in a slow manner. 

“What’s wrong, sweetheart? I know you had an awful night but you still look really tense.”

“I was just worried about you waking up with me here.”

He sounds confused, but I can’t see his face to confirm anything. “With you where?”

“He always said it was annoying if he woke up and I was cli-”

“You’re not annoying.” His tone was firm and decisive. “And you’re not allowed to apologize because you don’t have anything to be sorry for.” I’m not sure what to do so I just nod. My phone buzzes on the end table, Lance unplugs it and hands it to me, keeping his arm around me.

**Shiro: Don’t come back yet. James is here and he brought Lotor. They’re looking for you. I’ll text you when it’s safe**

_He’s there. I put people in danger because I decided I needed to talk to Lance. This is my fault, if he hadn't seen me yesterday then-_

“Sweetheart?” The arm around me was rubbing my back again, the free hand running through my hair. Having some difficulty with the morning tangles. I show him the text. He uses the hand in my hair to hold the phone. Once he’s done reading he puts it down the adjusts so he’s hugging me. “It’s going to be okay. They’re going to handle it.” My phone buzzes a couple more times. It scares me. I’m worried it’s James. Lance hands me my phone again. I shakily open it to see a text from Romelle and one from James. 

**R: Hey. I figured you’d be worried, but don’t be. We’re all okay, Shiro had us all go to the back of the building with Adam. Plus, and these are her words, Veronica is an angry hispanic so if anything James should be scared of her. We’re all safe, so it’s okay <3**

**J: You can’t hide forever. I’ll just keep coming back. Over and over and over again. If anything happens it’ll be your fault, just remember. I may not know where you and your boy toy are but I will. You’re fucking pathetic.**

I start shaking even more than I was. Lance takes my phone from me. “Do you want me to read these?” I nod my head to let him know he could and try to get my erratic breaths to even out. He sets my phone down and goes back to hugging me. “Rom said they’re all safe. It’s okay. It isn’t your fault. If you only ever take one thing I say to heart, have it be that. It is not your fault. Shiro and Adam aren’t going to let anyone get hurt, not the people at the Center, not each other, and not you. Besides, Veronica is there and trust me when I say you do _not_ want to get on the bad side of a latina.” He chuckles, trying to lighten the mood- even if just a little. And I’m grateful for that, truly I am. I just can’t believe him. It _is_ my fault. James is right. My phone continuously vibrates and Lance picks it up, looks at the number, and then _answers_ it. “Hello?”

I flinch when I hear James’ muffled yells from the other end. I can’t hear what’s being said but I can tell he isn’t happy. “Keith can’t come to the phone right now.” A pause, more muffled yells. “Because he can’t.” Lance doesn’t even seem phased by James, he only seems annoyed. He _laughs_ \- Lance is just _laughing_. “Dude, yelling isn’t going to work. It just makes you look childish.” He laughs more and James gets louder- but I still can’t understand what he’s saying. “Yeah, you are. You’re literally throwing a temper tantrum because you can’t get what you want.” Another pause. “So what if I am his boyfriend? I’d certainly do a better job than you- in fact a blade of grass would be a better boyfriend than you.” James yells some more but instead of laughing Lance looks angry, he hangs up the phone and puts it back on the end table. He’s really angry, I tense. And when he moves his hand back to my head, I flinch. He slowly draws it back, watching my reactions.

“S-sorry... I know you’re not going to hurt me. I don’t know why I-”

“Sweetheart, it’s okay. You were with him a long time, it’s just...”, he’s sad now, not angry, “it’s just what you’re used to.” Once my body relaxes again he puts his hand back in my hair. My phone vibrates again. 

“I don’t want to look at it.” It’s probably James again.

“Do you want me to look at it for you? It could be Shiro or someone else.”

“I only have five contacts.”

“Okay, well there’s still three great people it could be from.”

“I guess...”

“I won’t look unless you want me to.”

“It’s probably best, especially if it is Shiro.” Lance tightens his hold on me before grabbing my phone once more from the bedside table. I tighten my hold around him as well, waiting for him to tell me it’s James. 

“Do you want to unlock it or give me your passcode?”

“0-3-2-5.” 

“Does it mean anything or is it just random numbers?”

“James set it… it’s our anniversary...” I felt myself about to slip into the memory but Lance handed me my phone before I could. He told me it was Shiro. 

**The police took James, Lotor wasn’t taken and he left after the police. Stay with Lance and stay inside. Some officers might come and talk to you. Can you give Lance my number just in case?**

“Here, you can text him your number.” I take it off vibrate and hand it to Lance. He texts Shiro his number then hands my phone back to me.

“You can change your passcode now. You don’t have to keep it the way it was.” He pauses for a moment before continuing with a softer tone. “And if you’re ready for it maybe you can block James’ number?”

I shoot up, sitting on the bed. “I can’t do that. I can’t do _any_ of that. He’ll be so angry and who knows what he’ll do. It’s bad enough I have Romelle’s number, and yours! He barely let me keep Shiro and Adam’s. Changing the password and blocking him. He- he’ll-” I break off into a stutter and stumble through nonsensical words. I start rocking myself, pulling my knees to my chest. “I can’t- he’ll- I- no. Change- I can’t-” I’m whispering and running my fingers through my hair- pulling them through the tangles. A couple stands get tangles in my rough nails and uneven cuticles. Lance gets up and stands in front of me, bending so we’re at eye level.

“Keith, look at me.” His whisper is just barely louder than mine. I can feel my wide eyes looking at him. “There you go. Good job. Can I hold your hands?” He puts his in between us, palms up. Ever so slowly I remove my own pale hands, placing them into his tan ones. He gently removes the tangled strands. “That’s great. You can feel my hands right?” He’s rubbing his thumbs across my knuckles. I nod, having finally stopped my mantra of nonsense. “Wonderful! You’re doing really great, Keith.” His smile is so wide and genuine.”Do you want to lay back down?” I think for a second before nodding again. I actually do. “Do you need help?” I shrug. “It is alright if I help you?” I nod and Lance helps me to uncurl and lay down. “Do you want me to lay with you?” I nod almost immediately. Lance makes me feel better. He climbs into bed beside me and very slowly snakes an arm around me so that we’re in the same position we woke up in. “I’m really proud of you.”

“You make me better.” I mumble without even thinking. I feel floaty and numb. Like I’m not really there. I can’t really think, either. I just feel… broken. But not in a sad way. I’d be frustrated if I could be.

He laughs through his nose. “Yeah?”

I nod. “Talking is hard.” I feel myself pout a little.

“You don’t have to talk.”

“Oh.” I didn’t think of that. I pout again, though. “But I want to talk.”

“What do you want to talk about, Keith?”

I pout again. “You called me Keith.”

He starts rubbing my back. “It’s your name.”

“But you call me sweetheart.”

“Not all the time. Sometimes I call you Keith.” I just keep pouting. “Do you like me calling you sweetheart?” I nod. “Okay, sweetheart. I’m sorry. I won’t call you Keith as often- is that better?” I nod. My phone lights up. It’s a call.

“I don’t wanna.”

“It’s Shiro, though. You should probably answer it.” I shake my head no. “Okay, I’ll answer it then. Is that okay?” I nod. 

“Hello?” I can’t even hear Shiro’s voice. He’s quiet- not like James. James was loud. “Uhm… yeah. He was yelling at me. He called and I answered it.”

“He had a bit of a breakdown, I asked if he would want to block the number. Now he’s recovering.” I try to fill in Shiro’s part but I can’t. Thinking is hard.

“I don’t think you can right now. His brain is sort of taking a break, resetting. There was too much stress.” Lance continues.

“Of course I will. Bye, be safe.” He hung up and set the phone aside.

“What did he say?” I ask.

“Shiro was just-”

“No. James. He said something and you got mad.”

He pauses for a second. “Are you sure you want to know? It was about you and wasn’t very nice.”

“I wanna know.”

“He asked me why I would even want to date someone as shitty as you. He was just trying to get me to respond, so I hung up.”

I pout. “You’re right. He’s mean.”


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, yes hello. We stan Honerva in the household. She’s a fucking QUEEN and I love her. You know who we DON’T stan? Lotor. Fuck him. He’s basically alien Hitler- and I mean that. I got a whole list of comparisons. Honerva was just a mom trying to save her son- I, too, would tear apart the fabric of reality for my family. Plus it wasn’t really her fault she went crazy soooo yeah

We were still laying in bed when someone knocked on the door. Veronica texted Lance saying Shiro told everyone to stay put so naturally we were a little on edge. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ll go see who it is, alright?” I didn’t want to let him get up, but I had to. He shuts his door on the way out. Not too much longer later the front door opens and I hear two muffled voices, a female and Lance. He steps back into the room and shuts the door behind him, giving us privacy.

“It’s the police, sweetheart. She needs to talk to you.”

“Don’t wanna.” I avoid his eyes, knowing he’ll probably be disappointed in me. He kneels in front of me and rubs my arm.

“I know you don’t sweetheart but unfortunately you have to. I’ll be there the whole time and she said whatever was going to make you most comfortable. I told her where your brain is at right now so she understands you’re not up for much today.”

I pout again. “If she knows why can’t she leave?”

“Because she needs to do her job and follow up about yesterday, maybe try to get some information about the rest of it all for the case file.”

I start to sit up and Lance watches to make sure I’m okay before we head into the living room where Lance had already asked the officer to sit. She stands when I walk in and introduces herself.

“Hello, I’m Honerva. The precinct thought it would be best to send just one officer, given everything that’s happened. It’s nice to meet you, though I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances.”

I nod and shake the hand she held out for me. She sits back in her chair while Lance and I take the sofa. I sit in the middle of the couch, hoping Lance would get the hint to sit between the officer and I. He does. Once we’re all settled the officer starts off. “So why don’t you take me through what happened yesterday, Keith?”

I take a second to try and get my brain working. It’s hard to try and remember, my thoughts are foggy. “Uhm… Lance and I were in the park and then he came over and got really mad.”

“He? Who is he? Lance?”

“No! Not Lance. James.”

She wrote some stuff down in a notebook, presumably what I was telling her. “Okay, and why was James mad?” She has her pencil poised on the paper, ready to write.

“Because I left and I was with Lance.”

“Why did you leave James?”

Lance grabbed hold of my hand. I stuttered a bit through my response. “I- I- I don’t like that question.” She wrote some more stuff down. He squeezed my hand and gave me a reassuring look.

“That’s okay, we can come back to it. Why did he not like that you were with Lance?”

“He thought I was cheating on him.” I look at my bare feet and squeeze my toes into the carpet, keeping my voice soft.

“James thought you were cheating on him with Lance?” I nod. “Why did he think that?” I shrug. “Are you?”

“Am I what?” I don’t like this. He asked her to come here. I don’t like this. 

“Romantically or sexually involved with Lance. Are you cheating on James? To put it into your words.”

“No. I’m not. I don’t even know if James and I are still together...” I can tell Lance didn’t like that by the way his grip tightened and the way he looked down at the floor. I think he’s disappointed in me.

“Why’s that?” Honerva asks, she seems to care, sort of. I just shrug. I don’t really want to get into it with her. “Okay, well, why don’t we go back to yesterday? What did James do when he got mad?”

“He uhm...” Lance rubs his thumb across the top of my hand. “He grabbed me- my shirt. He threw me to the ground. He said mean things...” I furrow my brows, trying to uncover what happened. I can see it, the memory is there but it’s shrouded. I can’t fully remember.

More writing. “Okay, what sort of things did he say?”

“I- I don’t remember.”

She takes in the sight before her. I still have yet to actually look at her face or process her fully. “Okay, Keith. I think I have enough for now. You did really great. Just make sure to get some rest, okay? And if it helps, I’m more than likely going to be the one to handle the interactions with you.” I nod, and she continues. “If you’re up for it I think it would help if you stayed out here while Lance tells me his experience yesterday.” I nod again and Lance tells her what he remembered, which was a lot more than me.

“Thank you boys, you’ve both been very helpful. Unless either of you have anything else for me we’re done today.” Lance lets go of my hand to walk Honerva to the door. I zone out for a second but Lance comes back to me before I can go further into my mind.

“She gave me her card and told me to tell you that you did really good and to contact her if you needed anything. Do you want to put her number in your phone?” I nod. It would be helpful. “Okay. Do you want to go lay back down?” I nod again. Lance helps me stand, telling me he’s got me and then we’re back to that same position where I’m practically laying on him and he’s got his arm around me and is once again rubbing soothing circles around my entire back.

“She’s right. You did a really great job today. I’m so proud of you.”

Lance’s phone lit up on the bedside table, he checked it and read the text aloud. “Police say everyone should stay where they are for now. They’re going to update us when they have more information, tell Keith that Adam and I have put the Center on lockdown.” I hummed a response. We just let silence fall on us for a few minutes before Lance broke it. “How can I help?”

I shrug. “You don’t really have to. I’m not your responsibility.” 

“Sweetheart...” Lance trails off when I shrug, hugging me tighter. My phone rings again and Lance glances at the number. “I think it’s him.” He says so quietly that I barely heard him. I hold out my hand, he tentatively gives it to me. I glance at the number, pretty sure it’s the jail.

“Hello?” I try not to sound scared but I don’t know how successful I am. 

“Who is he?” His voice is low and venomous. He’s trying not to yell- I’m sure yelling would be a red flag for the officers. 

“He’s a friend.” I keep myself quiet, I had sat up by this point as well as Lance. 

“No. He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?” I’m silent. “ _Isn’t he_?” His voice raised slightly and I flinch but stay silent. “Answer me!” His voice raised. Lance whispers something to me but I couldn’t hear him. “He’s untraining you. I had you nearly fucking perfect and he’s undoing all of my work. Him and that fucking friend of yours. You’re still a piece of shit. You always _will_ be a piece of shit. You’re pathetic. You’re-” The call got cut out. I guess the officers ended it. _He’s your boyfriend. I had you near perfect. You will always be a piece of shit._ His voice, the things they said, they echoed in my head.

“Keith, are you okay?” Lance moves to sit next to me on the bed. I lean into him without even thinking about it. _You’re pathetic. I had you near perfect. “Keith?” He puts his arm around me, pulling me into a hug. I had you near perfect._ “Hey, can you hear me?” I look at him to show that I heard him, but look back to our feet. He shifts and lifts me into his lap. I move my head close to his neck, breathing him in. His scent is calming, grounding. It helps, no, _he_ helps. _He’s your boyfriend. I had you near perfect._ After awhile my thoughts get foggy again. Thinking is weird, and it confuses me. Why can’t I just think normal? I decide to talk instead. Talking is easier than thinking.

“He said you were my boyfriend.”

Lance lightly runs his fingers through my hair, trying to not get them stuck in the tangles. “I heard.” 

“Are you?”

“Am I what, sweetheart?”

“My boyfriend. I like being around you.” I furrow my brows. “You don’t act like my boyfriend, though.”

“How’s a boyfriend supposed to act?”

“I don’t know actually, I’ve only ever had James. But you don’t act like him.”

“Good boyfriends don’t act like James.”

I frown. “James isn’t nice.”

“I know, sweetheart. You don’t have to be around him ever again though.” Lance speaks again after a couple of seconds. “Do you want me to be?”

“Be what?”

“Your boyfriend.”

I pout because even after trying to think about it for a bit I don’t have an answer for him. “I don’t know.”

He hums before speaking. “Then no, I’m not your boyfriend.”

“Why not?” I pout some more.

He chuckles a little, looking down at me. “Because you said you didn’t know if you wanted me to be.”

“So if I want you to be my boyfriend would you have said that you were?”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

I’m really confused now. “But if you want to be my boyfriend then you are my boyfriend. That’s how it works. That’s what happened with James.” Lance stopped moving, if I knew any better I would say he even stopped breathing.

“Keith,” he uses my chin to tilt my head so that I look at him, “that’s not how it works. It’s got to be mutual. I need you to know that you can take all of what he did to you and mark it as bad. Even those times when he was nice- because that falls under manipulation. You keep telling me he isn’t nice. Whatever he did to do was unforgivable. Was horrible. Was sickening. How things worked with James is _not_ how things are supposed to go. You deserve so much, you deserve someone who actually cares about you.” It doesn’t take long for the tears to flow down my face. My eyes sting a little and there’s a huge lump in my throat. Lance wasn’t being mean, I know he wasn’t. He said that because he cares about me. He said that because we’re friends. It’s just hard to hear that I let someone do that to me.

“I’m sorry I let him-”

“Stop.” He’s really firm, not mean. I don’t think Lance can ever be mean, not like James. “You felt like you didn’t have a choice. What matters is you’re away from him now. What matters is you’re going to get better- you’re going to be happy.” He takes his thumbs and wipes my cheeks. “C’mon, sweetheart. Let’s go figure out something for dinner.” He helps me stand up and we walk into the kitchen. We settle on a frozen pizza he had. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?” I nod as the oven finished preheating. Lance put the pizza in, set a timer and walked out into the living room. I followed, sitting next to him and laying my head on him. It was pretty much instinct at this point. He gives me a level of comfort- of security- that I’d never really had before. Yeah, I’ve had Shiro and Adam but Lance is… different.

“What are you in the mood for, sweetheart?” He’s opening up Netflix.

“I picked last time. You choose now.”

“Are you okay with subtitles?”

“You’re supposed to be picking.‘

“I _am_ but I want to make sure you’re at least going to be okay with what I picked. There’s a really lame horror movie but it's in Spanish so I wanted to make sure you’re okay with subtitles.”

“If it’s lame then why are we watching it? Aren’t people supposed to avoid movies they don’t like?”

“Sweetheart, I am about to introduce you to one of the best things in the world- watching movies you hate to make fun of them. A lot of times, people show other people things they hate or don’t like so that they can make fun of them.”

“That sounds… weird.”

“You didn’t pronounce fun right. So- are you okay with subtitles? If not, I’ve got _plenty_ of other bad movies.”

“Subtitles are fine.” I smile and Lance pulls up the movie. It’s called _Veronica_ and he’s right- it’s lame. We laugh at pretty much everything. The pizza was ready about halfway through and by the end of the movie it was practically gone. We watched a few more of Lance’s terrible movies and it honestly makes me feel a lot better. I’m able to properly think by the end of the second movie and throughout the third one I’m able to make jokes as well.

At the end of the third one Lance asked me to pick the next movie. “Uhm, I don’t really have any terrible movies to watch.”

“It doesn’t have to be a terrible movie. Just pick, sweetheart.” I chose the original Exorcist, it being one of my favorite movies. It wasn’t on Netflix but Lance ended up renting it on Amazon despite me telling him he didn’t have to. He said he’d never actually seen it before so he was eager to watch it. He really liked it. I’m not really sure when it happened but some point I was in Lance’s lap again and he had his arms around me. It felt natural. James would never do this when we watched TV together. He would get really upset with me if I sat too close to him, too. He would tell me it was because I was distracting him. The movie ended and Lance set me aside and took the stuff from our dinner to the kitchen. I wanted to help so I followed him- he was taking out the trash so I started to do the dishes. It was only the small bowl Lance put his ranch in- yes he dipped his pizza in ranch- and then our cups.

When Lance saw me doing dishes he came up behind me and wrapped me up in a hug. “Sweetheart, you didn’t have to do those.” I shrugged.

“I wanted to help. Besides, you’ve put up with me in your house for almost two nights now. I think I can do some cleaning.”

“Hey, I don’t ‘put up with you’. I like having you around.” I finished the dishes and set them in the rack to dry. When I turned around Lance let go of me and finished with the trash. I went back to the living room while Lance took the bag out to see if I could straighten anything up. Not seeing anything I decide to go make Lance’s bed. I wanted to see if the one Lance had started last night out in was made but the door was shut so I wasn’t sure if I could go in or not.

I was just about done when Lance came to find me. “Keith, you really don’t have to-”

“I want to. Really. It’s not like with James where I felt like I had to. I want to.”

“The more you tell me about him the more I hate him.” Lance said, as he came over to help me with the comforter.

“You, Shiro, and Adam should start a club.”

“You don’t hate him?” He seemed confused as he climbed into bed. 

I followed suit and Lance plugged my phone in after I handed it to him, again. Being around him was just natural. “I don’t know. I spent a really long time with him. I haven’t really known anything other than him or my parents. I don’t even know if I hate them, and I’ve had a lot of time to sit on what they-” Oh.

“You don’t have to talk about it.”

“I’ll just put it this way. Think two of James but times three. The scar on my face was done by my mom. The night I met Shiro, actually. She was drunk and had a knife in her hand. It’s the only time I can think of where she was actually sorry.” We sat in a heavy silence and I could tell Lance was processing this.

“I take it back. I am your boyfriend. You need someone who actually cares about you and honestly, there’s a part of me that I don’t think will ever be okay with anyone else being with you.”

Even though I feel myself actually get happy when he says that, I know he’s just saying it because he feels bad for me. “I don’t want you to feel obligated-”

“I don’t. I feel like you need someone to treat you like an actual human for once in your life. Even if you ended up with someone really great I know they still wouldn’t be enough for you. I highly doubt I’m enough for you but I feel like being selfish.”

“I don’t think you have the capability of being selfish.” We both laugh and I lay down. Lance turns out the light once I’m settled and hugs me from behind- pulling me close to his chest. “Are you sure?” I whisper- afraid of his answer. I actually want this. I wasn’t sure earlier but all it took was for him to say that he was my boyfriend for me to know. I really liked Lance.

“Sure about what, sweetheart?”

“Are you sure you actually want to be with me?” I didn’t think it was possible but he pulled me closer and hugged me tighter.

“Absolutely.” I smile and drift off to sleep. For once, I’m actually looking forward for tomorrow.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter that I'm transferring from Wattpad!

I wake up to see that it’s still dark outside, I can’t see the clock Lance keeps on his nightstand so I don’t know what time it is. That’s right, Lance.

_Lance didn’t mean what he said last night. Lance doesn’t actually want me. He’s going to tell me he changed his mind. I’m not good enough. He’s going to hate me. He’s going to think I’m annoying. James is going to find out. Oh God, what is James going to do? He’ll be so mad and then he’s going to have Lotor hurt me, too. It was always worse when it was the two of them. I don’t want to go back to James. I don’t want to go near Lotor. I want to stay but Lance is going to wake up and he’s going to tell me he didn’t mean it. He’s going to tell me he doesn’t like me. He’s going to kick me out and tell James where I am. He’s going to tell me how stupid I was for thinking he actually liked me. He’s going to tell me I’m stupid for liking him. I shouldn’t like Lance, not when James saved me from my parents. Not when he supported me for so long, let me live with him for so long._

I sit up so I can figure out how to leave the bed without waking Lance but I don’t think I can when I see the way his legs are tangled with mine. I sigh and lay back down, staring at the ceiling that I can’t see. I don’t want morning to come, morning means Lance telling me that he doesn’t want me. Morning means rejection. I turn my head to focus on Lance. He closed eyes, his soft snoring, his slightly opened mouth. I know he has freckles dotting his face, I wish I could see them. I wish his eyes were open so I could get lost in the blue sea. I wish the arms under his pillow would wrap around me and pull me close so I could hear his heartbeat. There’s so many things I wish would happen right now.

I move my gaze back towards the invisible ceiling and close my eyes. I need to try and go back to sleep. I listen to Lance’s breath, soft and slow. It takes a few minutes but eventually I sync to his rhythm. I wish I could say I drifted back to sleep but I didn’t. It was an abrupt change from consciousness to darkness to birds outside and an empty bed. _I knew he didn’t want me. I was so stupid to think otherwise._ I want to go back to sleep but I don’t want Lance to think I’m lazy, think I’m even more useless than he already does.

I look around for something to do, something to make me useful, and settle on making the bed. I’m fixing the pillows when Lance wraps his arms around me, making me jump. He chuckles a little. “Sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to scare you, I just wanted to say good morning.” He pulls me into him. “You didn’t have to make the bed. It’s sweet and I appreciate it but you didn’t have to.” I just shrug a little, still not having hugged him back. “Are you okay?” He doesn’t move but lowers his voice, making it softer.

“Didn’t wanna be useless.” He has me pressed into his shoulder so my words are a little muffled.

“Well you didn’t have to make the bed for that to happen. You’ve never been useless.” He began to run his fingers through my hair when I stayed. “Did you have a bad night?” I shrug again, the all too familiar lump in my throat begins to take form. “You don’t have to tell me but I can’t fix it if I don’t know, sweetheart.” The lump grows and I wrap my arms around him, pressing myself further into his warm body. Lance just rubs comforting circles into my back and my eyes well. I don’t want to cry, I’ve been doing that a lot lately, yet I don’t think I can stop myself. We stand together in silence, tears are slowly dripping down my face and onto Lance’s shirt. I don’t know if he can feel them but I hope he doesn’t. I don’t want him to think I’m weak.

It takes a few minutes before I pull away, I wipe my cheeks and look pretty much anywhere but Lance’s face. “Sorry.” I mumble.

“You don’t have to be sorry, sweetheart.” He brushes my hair from my face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“‘S not important.” I’m suddenly really tired for some reason.

“If it’s making you cry then I’d say it’s pretty important.”

I shrug and walk out of the room, my cheeks already getting wet again. I head to the bathroom and shut the door. I sit on the edge of the tub and hug myself. _Why hasn’t he told me yet? Why is he being nice? James was only nice when he wanted me to do something. What does Lance want me to do? If I did something wrong he would be mad, not nice like this._ I actually let myself cry this time, I’m alone so I don’t have to worry about Lance thinking I’m weak, I just have to worry about being quiet. I don’t want him to hear, he could get really mad. It’s hard to keep myself upright on the edge of the tub so I move to the floor, leaning my back against it.

_“You’re so stupid, I can’t believe you’ve been hiding out here this whole time. Lotor invited us here and you’re just sitting in the fucking bathroom. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you even in here?”_

_“It’s too loud. There’s a lot of people. It smells like beer.”_

_James rolls his eyes, almost spilling the contents of his cup. “Well no shit, it’s a party dumbass. Now get out of here.”_

_“Can I just go home James? Please? I don’t want to be here, it’s too much.”_

_“No! You can’t just fucking go home. You’re being lame. Just drink something and get over it! Stop being pathetic.”_

Lance was sitting in the bathroom with me, holding me in his lap. His chest was pressed against my back and his arms wrapped around me. He was whispering things like ‘it’s okay’, ‘you’re safe’, ‘I’ve got you’. Lance wasn’t scared or frantic, he sounded calm and truthfully a little bit sad. I reach my hands out of my lap and hold the arm he had across my shoulders. “Hey, sweetheart. Are you back?” His voice sounded right next to my ear, it wasn’t a whisper this time but it was low and light. I just nod and allow myself to settle against him, enjoying the contact. _Enjoy it while it lasts. He’s going to tell you he doesn’t like you. He’s probably going to do it soon- you’re just annoying him._

“‘M sorry.”

“What are you sorry for, sweetheart?” He moves his chin from my shoulder so he can look at me, he uses the same tone and volume that he used a second ago, I don’t know why he’s not yelling. I shrug. “Well, you can’t apologize if you don’t know what you’re apologizing for. You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” I don’t say anything and he put his head back where it was.

“What do you want me to do? I’m sorry if I’m not supposed to ask but I can’t figure out what you want me to do, I know you’re being nice so I’ll do it, I just don’t know what it is. But I promise if you tell me what it is then I’ll do it.” Lance doesn’t say anything and when I turn around to look at him his eyebrows are furrowed and he looks like he’s about to cry. “I’m sorry, did I say something? I-”

“Keith, no. I’m nice to you because you’re nice to me. Because we’re friends. Because I like you. Because we’re together. No because I want you to do something. That’s not how this works and I’m so sorry you think this way.” He pulls me against him again and buries his face in the crook of my neck. “I’m really sorry that he did this to you. You didn’t deserve this, nobody does.”

“I didn’t mean to make you sad.” I lean my head against his to hopefully provide some sort of comfort.

“You didn’t make me sad, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He looks at me and I can tell he’s still somber but he’s trying not to show it. “Why don’t we go eat something? We’ve been in here awhile.”

“That sounds good.” We stand up and Lance is handing me some water almost as soon as we enter the kitchen. “I can cook- what are you in the mood for?” Before Lance could answer his phone rang.

“Hey, Shiro.” I couldn’t hear anything that was said on Shiro’s end and Lance’s face wasn’t giving me any clues. “Oh, sorry about that. We’ve had a busy morning.” He was walking back towards the bedroom but I couldn’t tell if he wanted me to follow or not. I start looking around the kitchen so I can put together some lunch, the stove clock said it was about one thirty. Lance’s voice drifted back toward the front of the house. “Yeah, we get it. Thanks, talk later. Bye.” He hangs up and hands me my phone. “Here, sweetheart. He said he was calling and texting for a while now, you can go back to the center tomorrow.” I nod and look through my phone. Shiro’s notifications are the only ones there.

Lance steps forward and wraps his arms around me. “Do you want to go back today?” As nice as it is being here with Lance I don’t want to be a bother. Plus it would be nice to have my sketch book and clothes- even if Lance’s are extremely comfortable.

“It would be nice. I like being here but I also don’t want to bother you and it would be good to have my clothes and all. You know?”

Lance pulls away and smiles at me. “I get it, don’t worry, but I’m going to ignore the fact you just said you were bothering me. Do you want to go out to eat? I know a great little café down the street.”

“Like a date?”

Lance just shrugs. “Do you want it to be a date?” He looks so casual while saying it, leaning against the door frame.

“Uhm… is it okay if it is?” I look down but Lance just pulls me closer to him again.

“Of course, sweetheart. I wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t.” He runs his hand through my hair and I look up at him. “Come on, let’s go get dressed. You can wear anything you want.” I follow Lance to his room, he grabs some clothes and heads to change in the bathroom, telling me to pick whatever before he left the room.

I look through drawers and find a pair of dark blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt. I check the weather on my phone and see it’s going to be chilly so I go into his closet and grab a well worn green jacket. It smells like Lance- sea salt and garlic, which sounds weird but it’s a good smell- and the weight is comforting. The heavy jacket eases some nervousness and anxiety I wasn’t aware I had. I’m putting on my shoes when Lance comes back into his room. I don’t know how long he had been there but when I stand up he’s leaning against the door frame, staring at me. “Is something wrong?” _You’re probably not supposed to be wearing that jacket. You really shouldn’t be wearing any of his clothes._ “I can put the jacket back if-”

He crosses the room to stand in front of me. Lance runs his hands down my arms and takes mine in his. “No, sweetheart, nothing’s wrong. You just look good in my jacket is all.”

I look down and notice how Lance had to push it back to hold my hands- it’s big on me. It goes down to my mid thigh and almost completely covers my hands. I don’t know why but it makes my face heat up a little so I just stare down at our feet. “It’s big.” That makes him laugh a little. _His laugh is really nice._

“It’s cute.” I can hear him smiling and he hugs me. I settle my head against his chest. This feels right, It feels… safe. _Lance is good. He’s not like James, Lance is nice._

_You’re still cheating on James. After all he did for you you’re going on a date with someone else. You’re disgusting._

_No, James is mean. He-_

_It doesn’t matter. James kept you around and kept you alive. He gave you a house, clothes, food, everything. He did everything for you and this is how you pay him back? By going out with another guy behind his back?_

Lance rubs my back. “Sweetheart? Are you okay?” He tries to pull back, to look at him. I just keep my head where it is so he can’t see me- maybe it's selfish but I don’t want to look at him while I say what I say next.

“This isn’t right.” My voice cracks a little from the lump that formed in my throat and I can feel Lance still in my hold. He doesn’t pull away, though. Which is good because I want to be selfish for a little longer, being this close to him helps.

Lance takes a breath and sounds unsteady. “What’s not right?” He still hasn’t moved and I know it’s time for me to let go now.

I step back and hesitate before shrugging off the jacket and laying it on it bed. “This. Us.” I finally find the courage to look at him, he’s playing with the hem of his blue and white shirt. “It’s not right. I can’t,” I take a breath, “I can’t do this to him. He did everything for me. He bought me food and- and clothes. He kept a roof over my head. I-I-,” I take another breath as a couple tears drip down from my eyes, “I can’t do that to him.” Lance is silent but he dropped his hands to his side. “I’ll give the clothes to your sister. I’m sorry, Lance.” I give him one last look and walk out his bedroom door. I see a bag that had the clothes I came here in on the coffee table in the living room. I pick it up and sift through to make sure I didn’t leave anything, wiping my face with my wrist. 

_You don’t deserve to cry._

“Keith?” I look up to see Lance standing a few feet away with the jacket in his hands.. “Let’s sit down and talk, yeah?” He walks over and sets the bag and jacket down. We sit on opposite ends of the couch and Lance is clearly nervous, he sits cross legged and facing me. “I’m not going to say you have to date me, I’m not even going to say we have to be friends or that we ever have to talk again.” I nod and wait for him to continue. “I do, however, want to say that nothing James ever did to you was right. I meant it when I said that’s not how boyfriends act. James is a horrendous person.” He pauses and thinks before speaking again. “You don’t owe him anything. You deserve to do what you want without thinking about how James will react or what it would do to him. James doesn’t matter when it comes to what you want. Okay? Does that make sense?” I wipe my face again but it doesn’t do much- if anything. “So, what do you want Keith?”

It’s my turn to talk now, to answer Lance. He’s been doing so much for me he deserves an answer. _You know what you want, but it’s not something you deserve. You know you want Lance._ “I can’t have what I want.”

“Why not?” I didn’t notice Lance had gotten closer.

“You make me feel safe. You make me feel good about myself, like I can get better. You’re patient and kind. You help me. I can’t have that- I don’t know how to have that. I can’t hold you back while you try and fix me.”

Lance doesn’t answer right away, instead he hesitantly pulls me into his lap and wraps his arms around me. “You aren’t broken, you don’t need fixing. You need to learn your worth- you need to care about yourself. You can get better. The universe owes you that much.”

I lean into him and try to calm myself down, Lance keeps one hand around me and uses the other to run through my hair. We’re silent for a moment. “You.”

“What about me?”

“You asked me what I wanted.”

Lance pulls me closer and hugs tighter. “Are you sure?”

“A lot of things have been changing lately. You help me with it all and you’re patient. You make me feel like I can be normal.”

He chuckles a bit and kisses the top of my head. “Change is hard, I know. Especially with everything that’s happened in your life. I mean, I know I don’t know all of it but the bits that I do know are just...” he trails off. “You get what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Maybe we rushed into it a little bit.”

I pick my head up and look at him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean maybe instead of just outright becoming boyfriends we should go with the flow first for a bit. It could help you to get more comfortable being around somebody who likes you and just kind of ease into a new relationship. I just sort of made an impulsive decision, and I shouldn’t have- especially with where your head has been at lately. I’m sorry for that, because you’re right, you have had a lot of changes lately. I don’t want you to feel pressured to do anything or act a certain way. Does that make sense?”

I think about it and smile. “I like that idea.”

Lance smiles and kisses my temple. “I’m glad. Now, we really should get some food. Come on, sweetheart. I have a friend that works at a nice little place not too far from here.. Her family owns the place.”

We stand up and Lance holds the jacket out for me again, I smile and put it on. The walk to the café is quick, the building is small and it looks like there’s an apartment on top, but I can’t tell. We walk in and I see there’s a couple scattered people. I tired looking guy at the counter doing some work on a laptop, a couple in a booth by the window, and a group of three further down from the tired guy.

“Hey, Matt!” Lance approaches the guy at the counter, I follow and stand behind Lance just a little. “Pidge working today?”

The guy turns around to talk to Lance. “Yeah, she’s in the back. Have you done this paper for Iverson yet? It’s killing me!”

“Me? Doing work before the day it’s due? You’re funny.” He laughs before turning to me. “Keith, this is Matt- he’s in my psych class. His parents own the place, Pidge is his little sister.”

“Nice to meet you, Keith. I look forward to becoming your favorite Holt.” He holds out his hand and I politely shake it. “Are you in school? What do you major in?”

“You, too. And, uh,” I awkwardly scratch the back of my head, “not in school.”

“I get it dude, graduate high school then just yeet away from it all. Sometimes I wish I had done that.” He laughs a little before continuing and Lance puts a comforting hand on my back. “When did you get out of high school?”

“I dropped during my freshman year...” I’m a little nervous, James had me drop out. I don’t want Matt to think less of me for not being in college or finishing high school.

“Hey, that’s cool, too! No worries, my guy. Everyone has their own stuff and path and bullshit.” A person with glasses comes around on the other side of the counter.

“Idiot, Dickwad, stranger.” The person nods and turns to the coffee machine.

“Shut up, you gremlin. We have _company_. You can’t just go around calling Lance an idiot like that.” I know this isn’t meant to be mean but I can’t help but think of James and the things he would call me.

The person turns around, holding a mug of coffee and begins pouring copious amounts of sugar into it. “One, you’re the idiot. Two, our parents own a restaurant so we always have company. I’m Pigde, Matt’s younger sister, and the best Holt.”

“I’m Keith.” I lift my hand a little bit, feeling awkward around the new people. Lance moves his hand to wrap around me more, letting me know he’s there.

“Pidgeon, I’m gonna get my usual but can I have a menu for Keith?” Pidge nods and passes Lance a menu- telling him to call her over when we’re ready.

Lance takes me over to a table in the corner, farthest away from the people. “Don’t worry, they’re good people, and don’t listen to Pidge- she loves us. Take a look at the menu and figure out what you want.” I look over the menu quickly, it’s some basic stuff. I decide on pancakes and bacon with orange juice. I tell Lance, who waves Pidge over and it isn’t too long before we’re eating. Lance had gotten eggs and toast with lemonade. My phone buzzed on the table, a call, but I didn’t know the number so I just flipped my phone over to ignore it.

“Okay, and then, Hunk just yells ‘I’m a leg!’ and so the next day we’re playing the same game and he tries to be the head. This kid is so done with Hunk, who is now trying to call being the head next time, so he goes to the teacher who is very confused. Eventually the game gets banned on the playground. It was the funniest thing ever!” Lance finishes telling the story when the same number calls me again. “You gonna answer it?” Lance asks, putting some more food in his mouth.

“I don’t know the number.” I say, drinking some more juice. Lance gestures to my phone. “Go for it.” Lance picks my phone up and answers.

“Hello?” He says. I can’t hear the person on the other end. “He can’t come to the phone right now. What do you need?” He puts his fork down and relaxes in his seat. “Sure, what’s your name?” He laughs a little awkwardly. “Well I can’t really tell him you called without your name.” He looks at the phone and puts it back on my side. “That’s weird, he hung up? Said he wanted me to tell you he called and then wouldn’t give me his name.” I look at my phone uneasily and continued to eat. Lance had finished then put his hand over mine across the table. “Hey, it’s okay, sweetheart.”

I smile and quickly finish my food. We head back to Lance’s and grab my stuff before going back to the Center. We’re walking in when Hunk and Shay grab Lance and recruit him to help with lunch. 

“Shiro and Adam want a big buffet type of thing and he’s holding a mandatory group so we can all talk.” Hunk says, carrying a large box. Shay was holding the door for him. “You good to come to the kitchen in like five minutes?”

Lance nods and they go ahead. “Hey, are you okay if I go and help, sweetheart?” He’s rubbing his hands on my arms.

“Yeah, go. I’m okay.” I give Lance a quick hug and head to my room- hoping to avoid people on the way. I’m not too lucky since I run into Shiro.

“Hey, Keith. Do you want to talk in the office or your room?”

I sigh. “I guess office.”

He and I head into it and he sits behind his desk while I sit behind the desk. “Okay, first off, how are you? I know you were up and down at Lance’s.”

“Overall I’m okay. I just feel bad it affected everyone else.”

“Don’t worry about that, we’re worried about you. We all are.” He leans back in his chair.

“You have to make an incident report or something like that, don’t you?”

“I do, yeah. But of course I want you okay. I was going to ask that no matter what- you have to know that, right?”

“Of course I do.”

“Good. So, just walk me through what happened and then I can file it all.”

I walk him through everything and how it lead up to what happened here. I answered all the questions he needed me to so I could get to my room. I’m a little overwhelmed and want to just relax. It doesn’t take long for Shiro to tell me I’m okay to go back to my room.

When I do I shut the door and lay down on my bed. I want to sleep for eternity, so I do the next best thing. I nap until I’m being shaken awake by Lance. “Hey, sweetheart. Come on, it’s time for lunch.” I groan and roll over to face the wall.

“I’m too tired.”

“I know, but Shiro says it’s mandatory. Plus, Hunk, Shay, and I made an amazing buffet. C’mon, sweetheart. ” He shakes me a little more and I get up to drag myself to this group lunch thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated on whether or not to refer to Pidge as she/her or they/them. I know a lot of people would have preferred they/them, but in the end I write for my pleasure- not to people please. I believe that Pidge is a girl and not nonbinary. She only pretended to be a boy to get into the Garrison, it’s like Mulan. I know a lot of people compare her to Haruhi from Ouran but I don’t think that comparison works because I can see Haruhi as nonbinary or gender apathetic. Nonbinary people are completely valid and accpeted, I just don’t think Pidge is nonbinary. Everybody is entitled to their opinions on the matter and nobody is making you read my stuff so if you disagree you don’t have to read


	7. Chapter Seven

“Okay, so everyone here needs to know that what happened wasn’t anybody’s fault.” Shiro started off. “Adam and I have spoken to the police and they think we should temporarily place restrictions on us all. We’ll have a police car outside and you’re not to go anywhere by yourself unless absolutely necessary. Curfew is now enforced with mandatory, and all Perms are required to stay here overnight. Check ins and check outs, with where you’re going and when you’ll be back. If anything changes from you check in and check out then you’ll have to tell either Adam or myself. And, lastly, there will be an extra group scheduled for the middle of the day, noon to one in the afternoon, it is optional like the other meetings, but it’s there for if anyone needs to talk; and as always, don’t be afraid to request small groups or one on ones.We know it’s going to be difficult and requires a lot more rules than we’re all used to but this is the way it has to be for now. Does anybody have any questions?” His tone was solemn, we all could tell he was worried. Nobody had any questions.

_ This is your fault. This is because you had to go and run away. _

_ No. Shiro said it wasn’t anybody’s fault. _

_ You know he was just saying that for you. He didn’t want you to feel bad. Everybody knows that it’s your fault. _

“Okay, as always if any of you need anything then let me know. There’s a check system by the door, so please fill out the paper. It’s for your safety. Enjoy your food and please try to continue as you all normally would.” Shiro and Adam left the hall, presumably going to the office.

I just sat and stared at my food. “Sweetheart, you okay?” I nod at Lance and start eating, I didn’t take much because of breakfast but I do eat and it seems to make Lance happy. “Do you want me to stay for a couple days? I just would have to run by my house and grab my school stuff so I could work here, I have some in person classes- but other than-”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want you to uproot yourself just because of me.”

“I wouldn’t be uprooting.” I could tell he was really concerned.

“I’m okay, I promise.” Lance nodded a little and went back to his food, I knew he was still worried but I wasn’t going to have him doing things that could really affect him. This is my mess, not his. It’s my responsibility. 

After lunch Lance got a call from Matt asking for some help with homework for their class so he had to leave, but not before making sure it was okay with me first which I appreciated. He hugged me goodbye and I went to my room to work in my sketchbook. I was working on the lion design when Shiro knocked on my door.

“Hey, can I come in?” I nodded and he went to sit on my bed, I turned my chair to face him. “That’s coming along really well. I remember when you first started it.”

I smile slightly at the praise. “Thanks.”

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about." Shiro nodded at my sketchbook.

"My drawing?" I furrowed my eyebrows in complete confusion.

"I was wondering if you'd consider letting me help you get on the track to being a tattoo artist?"

"I wouldn't even know where to begin, Shiro."

"That's what I'm here for. It's part of my job at the Center and as your brother slash dad slash best friend." We laugh and I pause for a moment.

_ What if I'm not good enough? What if nobody will take me? I'm not going to be able to get anyone to book me. I- _

"Keith?" Shiro looks hopeful.

"Could I think about it?"

My friend's expression falls a little. "Of course, take your time. Alright?" I nod and Shiro leaves.

I spend the rest of my time working in my book and notice the journal. I wanted to text Lance but didn't want to disturb his study session with Matt. My phone lights up when I'm about to get in the shower.

**L: Hey, sweetheart. Just got everything done with Matt. I was gonna come back to the Center before curfew**

**K: You're not going to your house tonight?**

**L: Nah. Shay has to do something so I'm helping Hunk with breakfast**

I smile to myself thinking about Lance being here tonight.

**K: When will you be here?**

**L: About five minutes. Why? Miss me already ;)**

**K: Don't flatter yourself too much** I roll my eyes but my smile doesn't leave my face.

**L: I can feel the eyeroll from here. See you soon, sweetheart**

I laugh a little at my screen and put my phone away. I decide my shower can wait until Lance gets settled. I went to go and wait by the main door for Lance to arrive, which didn’t take long. I’m not sure where Lance is sleeping tonight but I’m hoping it’s in my room.

I met up with Lance on my way to the front door. “Awe, were you going to go wait for me? That’s cute sweetheart.” Lance hesitated a bit before he pressed a small kiss to the top of my head.

I smile a little but turn my head away from him. “No...” All Lance did was smirk. “Do you have an idea where you’re sleeping tonight?”

Lance adjusted the small overnight bag on his shoulder and we started walking in the direction of the rooms. “I was just gonna grab an empty room or something.” Keith silently nodded and Lance smirked again. “Why, sweetheart? Did you want me to sleep somewhere else? Your room, perhaps?”

I blushed and unfortunately couldn’t hide it. “You don’t have to if you want to.” I don’t know why but since getting back in the Center makes me a little more nervous to be around Lance. Maybe it’s because reality is happening again, because I’m not just sitting around at Lance’s.

Lance chuckles. “We can sleep in your room, sweetheart.”

When we get to my room I pick my shower stuff up from my bed. “I’m gonna shower, I’ll be right back.” I didn’t take long in the shower, I didn’t want to leave Lance for too long when he just got here. When I got back to my room Lance was flipping through my sketchbook. I watched him by the door for a little, wanting to gage his reaction before announcing myself. 

“These are amazing, sweetheart.” Lance didn’t look up from my book, he just kept flipping through pages. But then he found the one of his eyes, his face fell a little. “Oh...” His response was quiet and soft.

“I did that to sort of cope, I guess? Also as a reminder, that what I say and do, it affects people.”

Lance still didn’t look up, he just kept staring. “I’ve never seen myself from this perspective before.”

I coughed awkwardly before tossing my clothes in the dirty hamper and hanging up my towel, then put my shower stuff in a bin I have in my closet. “I, uh, want to be a tattoo artist. Shiro wants to help me get started. He thinks it would be a good idea.” I sat down on my bed and Lance closes my sketchbook to face me in the swivel chair.

“I think it would be a good idea. You could make a lot of money from it, you’re very talented, at least at the paper part of it. I’m pretty sure tattooing skin and drawing on paper are totally different.” He laughed and came over to sit next to me.

“Yeah, I think they tell you to practice on like fruit skins or something before you do a real person.” I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I leaned into Lance. Luckily he didn’t question it and put an arm around me. It was nice.

“You want to go to sleep? You look pretty tired, sweetheart.” He was laughing. I was tired, but I wanted to stay awake with Lance a little longer; moreso since I didn’t know which bed he was sleeping in. I thought it would be weird to ask him, though, so I didn’t. I nodded. “Goodnight, sweetheart.” He kissed the top of my head and stood. I tried not to be disappointed when he sat on the other bed. I cut my bedside lamp off and it was dark.

Lance’s phone rang and he apologized for the ringtone being loud, he walked out of the room to answer it. I could just barely hear him through the closed door, but the conversation was quick because soon he came back into the room. Lance seemed frustrated and closed the door a bit too loudly, I flinched and thought of all the times James had done the same.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to slam it. Are you okay?” Lance was kneeling next to my bed and I sat up.

“You don’t have to be sorry. What happened?” I realized I was asking Lance about something I shouldn’t have. “Wait, no. Sorry, it’s not my business. You don’t-”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Lance put a hand on my shoulder. “My ex just called me. That’s all it was, I just got a little upset about it.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” I moved over so Lance could sit next to me if he wanted to talk. He did.

“There’s nothing too much to say about it. We broke up about half a year ago, I came out to her as bi and she was just extremely rude about it.”

“What do you mean? Was she homophobic?”

“Not exactly, she didn’t mind gay people, she just talked about how she wouldn’t date a bi or a pan person because they were more likely to cheat. She called me names and accused me of cheating on her. The whole nine yards. I told her I wasn’t going to take it and we broke up. She just called trying to get me back.”

“I’m really sorry that happened, how long were you two together?”

“Just a couple months.” Lance shrugged. “That’s pretty much it. It bothered me at the time, but I’m over it. The only reason it upset me was that she tried to get back together.” I nodded. “Anyways, you,” he taps my nose with his finger, “are tired. Go to sleep, alright sweetheart?”

“Good night, Lance.” I got myself settled under the covers, smiling when Lance didn’t go back to the other bed and laid down as well.

“Goodnight sweetheart.” Lance whispers back.


	8. Chapter Eight

Things had gotten better over the next following weeks. Shiro and Adam decided to keep the restrictions in place until everything with James had been resolved, minus the police car and Perms staying overnight. Now, as long as the check in and check outs were completed Perms were able to be out of the shelter overnight.

Shiro and Adam now had custody of me, after James’ arrest and a quick investigation of my family- which turns out both of my parents had died in an explosion caused by a bad meth lab- a judge ruled that Shiro and Adam were the most fit to be my guardians. The judge said that with both being employed, owning the Center, Shiro’s father’s reputation, and the fact that I had known them for a very long time meant I would be able to avoid going into the system. They legally adopted me I had been staying at the shelter, their one bedroom apartment being too small, with permission from Social Services of course.

As for James, he had been in police custody, Lotor disappeared being his partner in selling. They had enough evidence for a drug case and the abuse against me made it so James wasn’t allowed out on bail, being a dangerous person. He had plead not guilty at his arraignment and my lawyer, Shiro and Adam, and the police were trying to make it so I wouldn’t need to show up to any court dates. It didn’t work. As hard as everyone tried, I had to go in and testify.

It was the morning of my first day in court and Lance was at the Center helping me to get ready. He had brought a suit for me to borrow. Shiro was waiting with my lawyer, Kolivan. Kolivan had taken this case pro-bono, for to Shiro’s father; they were very close friends. They were going to take Lance and I to the courthouse. Lance had fought with everyone who tried to tell him he couldn’t go, he insisted. He said that the only way he wouldn’t go was if I asked him not to. I didn’t, having Lance really helped; even though Kolivan had said it would most likely rile James up and his lawyer would attempt to use it against us. Honerva was also going to be there today, she and Kolivan were my lines of communication with James and the courts.

“Okay, sweetheart. Are you ready?” I nodded and Lance took my hand. We walked to the front room and saw the other two standing there waiting. Police watch had been put back into effect for the trial, as a precaution. I could hear my heart as Lance and I climbed into the back of Kolivan’s sleek, black, SUV. The leather seats turned cold with the air conditioning as we made the long drive to the court house.

Lance never let go of my hand and ran his thumb across my knuckles in slow motions. He sat in the middle of the three seats. Kolivan and Shiro were engaged in their own conversation up front, Shiro’s eyes occasionally flicking to me in the back seat. I started to bounce my leg and squeezed my hand to get my attention. “It’s going to be okay.” He was talking low so he didn’t interrupt the conversation in the front seat. “I’m here, Shiro’s here, Kolivan, Honerva. You have everyone back at the Center, Adam, and everyone else.”

“What if it isn’t enough?” I whisper. “What if all the evidence, me testifying. What if he’s let go?”

“If he’s let go then he better stay away from everyone if he knows what’s good for him.”

“I don’t want anyone to get hurt. Plus Lotor is still hiding out somewhere. If James isn’t locked up they’ll find each other and-”

“Hey, take a deep breath.” Lance puts a hand on my cheek, I didn’t even realize I wasn’t breathing. “You’re thinking too far ahead. Let’s just try and focus on one thing at a time, can you do that? Can you try?” I nod. “Good. We’re only going to try and think about what’s going to happen today. So, tell me, what’re we doing today?” Lance’s hand moved back to mine.

“We’re going to court. I might be talking about James and what happened today, if I don’t talk then I watch. When court ends we’re going to Shiro’s house for food, then I’m going back to the shelter and you’re going home.”

“Why am I going home?”

“You have classes tomorrow.”

“Matt’s taking notes for me. I’m not going tomorrow, I emailed all of my professors and told them I was dealing with an emergency. So, what are we doing after Shiro and Adam’s?”

“We’re going back to the Center.”

“That’s good. So we’re only going to try and think about those things, right?” I nod. “That’s good. What’re you going to do if you start thinking about other things?”

“I- uh, I run through the day?”

Lance nodded. “Mhm. That’s good, sweetheart.” Lance ran a hand through my hair. “It’s going to be okay.” Lance put an arm around my shoulders and held my hand in his free one. We didn’t talk for the last half hour of the ride, I just sat there, trying to keep myself calm.

Everything picked up speed when we reached our destination, we were ushered into a room and talked to, then Shiro and Lance were lead away to take their seats in the courtroom. Honerva came into the small room where Kolivan and I were, she told Kolivan that he and James’ lawyer were going to meet in the judge’s chambers.

“Hey, Keith. How’re you holding up?”

“I just want to get this over with as soon as possible. Since we weren’t taken to the main seating I guess I’m gonna speak today?”

She gave a grim nod. “James’ lawyer is insisting on it. And since this is a violent crime it goes first.” I nod and take a deep breath. “So, they’re going to ask you questions, but when you’re not in the stand you and Kolivan are going to be at the front table. James, two officers, and his lawyer will be at the other table. I’m sitting right behind you with Shiro and Lance, okay?” I nod and soon it’s time to go in.

We stand for the judge, I can’t remember her name. Then Kolivan goes first, addressing the jury and judge about how James is, to sum it up, a shithead. Then he goes into a couple different things and it’s James’ lawyer’s turn to speak- his name is Sandek. He talks about how James saved me from a horrible situation, brings up that my parents are dead, and talks about how James is actually a good person. Soon, the questions begin and I’m sworn and sitting in the stand. I do everything I can not to look at James, but I can feel his eyes boring into me.

“Mr. Kogan,” Sandek began, “how do you know my client?”

“He’s my ex boyfriend.”

“How long have you two know each other?”

“About seven years.”

“How old were you when you two started dating?”

“I was thirteen, I think?” I take a deep breath, these questions aren’t too bad.

“And how old are you now, Mr. Kogane?”

“I’m almost eighteen.”

“Why are you claiming James abused you?”

“I-I’m not sure I understand your question?” I get the feeling that I’m about to be told I wasn’t abused.

“There are allegations against my client. Allegations that state he was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive towards you. Why do these allegations exist?” I flick my eyes over to Lance. He’s getting upset, but Shiro and Honerva are calm. I can’t tell what Kolivan’s feeling.

“Because he did. Ever since I moved in with him he was abusive.”

“What age did you move into my client’s home?”

“I was either fifteen about to turn sixteen or had just turned sixteen.” Sandek nodded.

“Why did you move in with my client?”

“My, uhm, my parents were also abusive. I was getting away from them.”

“So my client opened up his home to you, that hardly seems abusive. Is it possible that you were confused after having just moved away from your family?”

I look over at Lance again, he seems angry and Shiro’s now upset. Honerva still had the same expression, I supposed she’s used to things like this happening in court. Kolivan stands and objects. The judge has Sandek stand down and Kolivan begins to question me now.

“Mr. Kogan, what sort of behaviors did James Griffin exhibit that were abusive?”

I took a deep breath before answering. “He would yell, degrade me, force me to drink alcohol, and he would hit me. James always accused me of cheating on him. He was controlling. He would force me to do all of the house work. He made me drop out of high school and wouldn’t let me have a job. I wasn’t allowed to have any social media or friends of my own. I was only allowed to buy things if he let me. I also didn’t have my own money. He made me delete all of my contacts, he had my phone password as well. It took a lot of work to convince him to let me keep Adam and Shiro in my contacts. I also couldn’t watch TV unless he was with me, we would only watch what he put on.”

“You two also had separate bedrooms in the house. Is that correct?”

“Yeah.”

“What was your room like compared to his? Were you allowed in his bedroom?”

“I couldn’t go into his room, he kept it locked. I don’t know what it looked like. My room was really small. I had a dresser, a desk, and a twin bed. It all barely fit.”

“Had you and James ever shared a bed together?” I knew why he was asking this, I told him how James would react if he woke up and I was touching him.

“We had a couple times, but if we woke up touching he would beat me with a belt.”

“There was an incident in public, am I correct?”

“Yeah. Lance and I were getting ice cream and he threw me to the ground. I was pretty disoriented after that.”

“I have no further questions for my client, your honor.”

After that I was allowed to sit back down, Lance had gone outside of the room. Then Honerva was asked questions. Lance didn’t come back in until recess was called. As soon as I was able to I went and found Lance, he was sitting just outside the room on a bench. “Sweetheart, are you okay?” I walked up to him and he stood to grab my hands.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Kolivan took over and it helped. What happened?”

“Honerva said I should leave for a bit. She said it was obvious I was really angry and that it might not be good for the case if I stayed inside, that Sandek could use it against you. I’m going to come back in with you, though.” I nodded. “How long is recess?”

“About ten minutes.” Lance nodded and we sat down on the bench.

It wasn’t long before I was back on the stand, Sandek was questioning me again. “What was the altercation in the park about, Mr. Kogane?”

“James saw Lance and I together.”

“What were you and Lance doing in the park?”

“We were getting ice cream.”

“What lead to the altercation?”

“Lance went to throw something away, and James came up to me. He told me to stand up and he pushed me to the ground. He accused me of cheating on him. He was angry so he attacked me.”

“Were you and Lance on a date?”

“No.”

“Have you cheated on my client with Lance, or anyone else?”

I wasn’t sure how to answer this. But, Lance and I aren’t exactly together. “No.”

“Are you lying, Mr. Kogane? You and another person seemed pretty close during recess. You were called endearing names and holding hands.”

Kolivan objected but the judge let Sandek continue. I had to answer his question. “Lance and I aren’t boyfriends.”

“The person you were with outside the courtroom is Lance?”

“Yes.”

“You’re telling this court that you and Lance are not romantically or sexually involved?”

“I said we weren’t boyfriends. We’ve been on a couple dates.”

“So you have cheated on my client?”

“With all due respect I don’t see how this is relevant. I’m not dating James anymore, the way I see it our relationship was a lie and it ended the second he got arrested.”

Kolivan stood up again. “Your honor, this is no longer on the topic of this case or the attack at the park, it’s beginning to sound like schoolyard talk.” This time Kolivan’s objection was successful, Sandek was told to move on or stop questioning me. He and Kolivan didn’t have anymore questions and I was allowed to leave the stand. Then, Shiro was called up.

“Mr. Shirogane, what is your relationship to my client?” Kolivan started off.

“I, along with my husband, share legal custody of him. I stand in as a parental figure.”

“And how long have you known my client?”

“I’ve known him since he was eleven.”

“And how old were you?”

“I was seventeen.”

“When did you first meet?”

“My father, a police officer, had brought him to our house for a couple days. Keith’s mother was drunk and had taken a knife to his face, my father took him after Keith was done at the hospital. Even though he fought it, Keith was returned to his parents. This was ten years ago. I told him that night that I would always be there for him, and I have been.”

“You were the one to call the police the day that James was arrested, correct?”

“Yes, sir.”

“What compelled you to do so?”

“I had know about Keith’s situation for years, he would call me with injuries or needing a place to stay if James would kick him out. That day he called me and I called the police. I couldn’t let it go on anymore.”

“Now, some might think it would be wrong for you to have not called sooner, since you said you had known for quite some time. Why did you wait to call?”

“I own and run a youth center, I work with kids all the time that come from many different kinds of abusive situations. I didn’t want Keith to end up in the system, I was trying to wait until my husband and I had a strong case to take custody of him. Our apartment is a one bedroom and our finances weren’t stable enough to take him in.”

“Where did Keith go after you called the police on James?”

“I took him to the Center.”

“You said that you now have custody of my client?”

“Yes, his parents have died combined with the charges against James and the upstanding reputation of not only myself, but my father as well, made it easy for us to take on guardianship.”

“Is Keith now residing with you and your husband?”

“No, sir. He chose to stay at the Center until the three of us can find a more suitable place to live.”

Kolivan’s questions ended and Sandek’s began. “Mr. Shirogane, have you personally met my client?”

“Yes, sir.” Shiro’s response seemed to genuinely surprise Sandek, who looked at James with widened eyes.

“How did you meet him?”

“He used to come to the Center, but eventually I refused to allow him to come. He would attack other people, damage property, and was verbally unpleasant. He would disrespect the other kids in our group session, belittle and invalidate them. James was unruly and for the safety of those in my Center I made the decision to not allow him back.” Sandek definitely didn’t expect that answer and stopped asking questions. Shiro was allowed to leave the stand and court ended for the day. I tried to walk behind everyone and when Lance tried to hold my hand I pretended not to notice and put them in my pockets. I didn’t want anyone to see and have it brought up again. The car ride back was silent.

When we got back to the Center Shiro spoke. “Do you guys want to change before dinner?”

“Yes! I’m dying in this.” Lance said, I nodded and the three of us walked inside. Shiro told us he would be in his office, Lance didn’t try to hold my hand on the way to the room we were sharing and I tried not to be disappointed by it.

“Hey, Keith, are you okay?” Lance shut the door when we walked into the room.

“Yeah, it was just tough. They asked a lot of questions and when Sandek was talking I felt like I was being interrogated. He tried to make it seem like I was the problem, like I… deserved it.” I sat down on the bed and put my head in my hands.

Lance comes to kneel in front of me. “Hey, no. That’s not at all right. You weren’t the problem, nothing you ever have done would cause you to deserve this. This is just their way of trying to get James off the hook, but it won’t work. Everyone’s going to see was happened and nobody is going to let James near you, okay?”

I wrap my arms around Lance and hug him. I try not to cry, Lance stands and we just stand there until my phone vibrates in my pocket. I look at the text, it was just Romelle. She was saying that if I needed anything I could always go to her.

Lance and I got changed and soon we were in Shiro’s car on the way to he and Adam’s house. Ever since they took custody I ate dinner at their house and Shiro would bring me back before curfew. Lance had been staying at the Center for court, and he was invited to come tonight since Shiro and Adam thought it would help me process my first day. I was mostly silent, but Lance was holding my hand under the table which made me feel a bit better. I guess he and I should talk about that later.

“How was it today?”

“It honestly kind of sucked. I just want to be over it all.”

“It’ll be over soon.” He said, giving me a look of nothing but empathy. He and I were similar, he had come from an abusive home, too. It was his uncle, though his abuse was a different kind. Luckily he got out of it and met Shiro in college.

Shiro began to give details and I went back to eating in silence, Lance would insert himself too but for the most part he just listened. I don’t know what happened, but the next thing I know the table is cleared and Lance and I are the only ones at it. “Hey, are you back sweetheart?”

I nod, realizing I dissociated. I’m just surprised I didn’t do it sooner. “How long?”

“About forty five minutes. Not long.” Lance said, running his fingers through my hair. “Are you ready to go back to the Center?”

“Yeah... ”

I stood up and Shiro said bye to Adam, Lance and I did as well, and soon we were in the once again silent car on the way back to the Center. Shiro just dropped us off and made sure we got inside before driving back to his apartment.

“Hey, Lance?” I said, once we were behind the closed door of our room.

“Hmm?” He looked up from the book he was reading.

I suddenly felt awful for what I was about to say. I didn’t want to upset him, he’s done so much for me. He’s kind and he cares. I shouldn’t be upsetting him. “I, uh, about what they said in the courtroom. About us being together. I, uhm, well I don’t-” I sighed, frustrated at how I was sounding, “it might not be a good idea to hold hands and stuff in public.” Lance closed the book and set it aside. “I’m sorry, it isn’t that I don’t like it, I just don’t want anyone to see it and assume things and have it be brought up.” I was beginning to ramble.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I understand. I was thinking about it, too. I just wasn’t sure how to bring it up. It’s okay, I promise.” He smiled and opened his arms, I laid down on the bed and he wrapped them around me. “I’m sorry for how today went.” I shrugged.

“It isn’t your fault. It’ll be over soon.” Lance nodded and we drifted off to sleep.


	9. Chapter Nine

In court the next day Lance got called to the stand. Kolivan and Honerva had told us that this might happen, especially with how yesterday went. Kolivan also said that Sendak didn’t know that James used to go to the Center, the fact he got kicked out was good for us. They also called for the records of all James’ incidents, which Shiro happily turned over.

“Mr. McClain,” Sendak began, “what is your relationship to Keith?”

“We’re friends.”

“How long have you known him and how did you two meet?”

“There was a performance at the Center, I met him there. We’ve known each other for a few months now, I’m not sure exactly how long”

“How would you describe your relationship with Keith?”

“As I said, we’re friends.”

“And how old are you? I turn twenty in about a month.”  _ Oh, I didn’t know that. I need to ask him when his birthday is. Maybe, if this is over by then, we could go on a date. _

“Have you personally met my client?”

“Not formally, I’ve spoken to him on the phone, though. He was rude and disrespectful not only to me but to Keith as well. James called Keith things such as pathetic, worthless, useless, and- pardon my French but this is a direct quote- a piece of shit.” Sendak doesn’t ask Lance anymore questions, he goes back to his table and frantically whispers with James. The judge bangs her gavel.

“Is the defendant done interrupting my court?”

Sendak stood. “Yes, your honor. Our apologies.” He sits down again. The judge geustrued to Kolivan to allow him to ask his questions.

“Mr. McClain, you said you met my client at the Center, at a performance, correct?”

“Yes, sir.”

“How was your first interaction with Keith?”

“Keith was closed off, I thought he was rude but it hadn’t even been three days since he got to the Center. I realize now he was trying to keep himself protected, a lot of everyday things would trigger memories of his time with James. Even now, he still struggles with trying to move on.”

“What sort of things?”

“When I first met him it was calling him ‘babe’ and I said something along the lines of telling him not to be lame. As I got to know him I found out he thought I was being nice to him to try and get him to do something for me, how he always tried to do the housework. He also had nightmares and panic attacks. He would do things as if he was trained to do so- a good example would be checking his phone regularly.”

“And you have first hand experience with all of this?”

“Yes, sir. He spent some time at my house after James had attacked him in the park.”

“I have one final question for you, Mr. McClain. How would you describe James’ character, James as a person?”

“He is one of the most despicable people I have ever met. I’m a psychology major, I want to become a therapist, and let me say that James is almost a perfect case for a narcissist with a god-complex. He has hurt Keith and messed him up in ways I worry might be irreversible.”  _ Lance thinks I’m messed up? And what does he mean irreversible? I thought he said I could get better. I thought I was getting better. _

Kolivan nodded and Lance was able to sit back down again. Honerva was called up and asked questions, then Shiro again. A couple more people, people I didn’t recognize, were called up. All of the people called up were asked about James’ character by Kolivan, and every one of them talked about how horrible he was. I wasn’t called to the stand today and as soon as I was able to I walked out of the court and towards the subway.

Adam and Shiro took over my phone bill and started giving me an allowance. I just decided to save it all, I didn’t really need or want anything. Luckily I had my wallet with me so I could get a subway card. When I was seated on the subway, on my way back to the Center, I turned my phone on. I already had missed calls and several texts.

I texted Shiro.  **Im on the subway. Going back to the center.**

Shiro’s reply was nearly instant.  **Keith, you can’t just run off like that. You have to at least tell me first. Was this about what Lance said?**

So he knew? Was I that obvious?  **It’s fine.**

I could practically hear Shiro sighing.  **We can talk about it at dinner?**

**Its fine shiro**

**Okay, be safe. I’ll see you at the Center**

**It makes more sense for me to just go to yours on my own i have to pass your place to get to the center from the subway**

**You’re not going to avoid Lance, it’s a simple misunderstanding. I haven’t told him why you ran off and he’s worried. The only reason he’s not trying to talk is because he left his phone at the Center. You’re going to the Center and then you and I are going to head home to eat. I’m not budging on this**

**Okay**

I put my phone back in my pocket. Ever since he and Adam took custody he’s definitely been a lot less relaxed about things like this. I know it’s because he cares, though. I plug in my headphones and wait until my stop. The wait is boring and takes a long time, but eventually we get there. I walk by Shiro’s place on my way and briefly consider just going there anyway, but I don’t because I know the lecture I’m likely getting will be longer if I do.

Soon enough I’m walking to the Center. I text Shiro that I got here and he says they’re stuck in traffic and they’ll be about a half hour more. I decide this gives me time to change and shower. I’m packing an overnight bag when Lance walks in. “Hey, you spending the night over there?”

“If they let me.” I got into my closet and pull out my tooth brush, toothpaste, and hairbrush to put into my bag. I stare at my suit, trying to figure out how to pack it for court tomorrow.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Lance places a hand on my shoulder to turn me towards him, but I don’t let him. He really doesn’t know. I know I’m being stupid and I know it’s probably just because I’m stressed but I can’t help it.

“It’s fine, you don’t need to worry about it.”

“I do if it’s making you avoid me.” He sounds hurt and I try to feel bad and calm down, I really do. I just can’t. I grab my bag and phone and walk out the door, suit in the bag it came in over my shoulder. Lance follows. “I can carry that.” He says, pointing to the suit.

“I’ve got it. You can stop worrying about me.”

“Keith, please.” Lance stands in front of me. “What’s going on? Did I say something? Do something?”

“You can just add it to the list of irreversible things that mean I’m messed up. Let me by, please. Adam usually has dinner ready by now.” Lance’s eyes tear up and only then do I feel a pang of guilt, but he doesn’t let me by him.

“Oh my- Keith. No, that’s not what I- oh my gosh. I’m so sorry it came out that way, I didn’t mean it like that. You aren’t messed up. I-”

“Lance, please.” Our glassy eyes meet and Lance steps aside. I walk out and to the door where Shiro is waiting.

“Did you two talk?” Shiro asks, taking the suit bag. I just shrug. “Okay, have everything you need for the night?”

“Yep.” That’s the last I say for the rest of the day, aside from saying goodnight to Shiro and Adam. I lay on the couch and finally decide to check my phone. A check in text from Romelle, I tell her everything’s fine. And a slew of messages from Lance, all nothing but apologetic. The last one was an hour ago.  _ I can talk to him in court tomorrow.  _ I decide, thinking it would be best to talk in person rather than other text.

In the morning Adam woke me before he left for work, telling me to have a good day. I gave him a quick hug and said the same and he was out the door. About ten minutes later Shiro comes out, saying he’s going to shower and get dressed to go. I get dressed while he’s in the shower and brush my teeth in the empty kitchen sink. I use my phone as a mirror to brush my hair and by the time Shiro is ready Kolivan is outside the building. We go and head the Center to pick up Lance. 

He climbs into the car and doesn’t sit in the middle like he usually does, he also doesn’t try to talk or look directly at me. I can tell he’s still upset and thinks I probably still am, too. I’m not. I wait until Shiro and Kolivan start talking. “Can we talk today?” I whisper, hoping Lance heard me. He looks up from his phone and nods, I can tell he’s worried but I can’t fix it yet. We get to the courthouse quicker than we usually do, which gives us about a half hour before we need to go in. Lance and I sit in the car when Kolivan and Shiro get out. “Sorry, I didn’t want anyone to listen in. I figured in here we can actually talk in private.” Lance nods.

“I really am sorry about what I said yesterday. I didn’t mean that you were messed up, or that you couldn’t get better.”

“I was overreacting. I think I’m just stressed and I took it out on you. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I ran and pushed you away, you really didn’t deserve it. Are you okay?” Lance nodded.

“I was just worried about you.”

“Is everything good?”

“Yeah, we’re good. We should-”

Shiro and Kolivan ran and practically jump into the car, and Kolivan is pulling out of the parking space, he starts driving as fast as he can to still safely maneuver around the running people and cars also trying to leave.

“Lotor shot James on his way in then bolted.”

“ _ What _ ?!” Lance put an arm around me but I wasn’t really paying attention to anything anymore. I was sinking into my own mind and away from reality. We don’t go to the Center or Shiro’s house. We go to the police station, when we got there Kolivan said they were expecting us and prepared a room. Everyone said it wasn’t safe to go anywhere else. When we got there Shiro called Adam at work to tell him what happened and Kolivan left the room to make some calls and try to get information. Lance and I just sat in the empty room, his arm around me. I was more lucid now that it’s processed more. I could vaguely make out Shiro on the phone.

“Sweetheart, are you okay? Do you want me to get you some water? I saw a vending machine. Do you want a snack?” I could tell Lance was nervous, probably even scared. Why was he worried about me when we were both in this situation?

“What about you?”

“I’m not worried about me right now. I can focus on myself later.”

“No, you always worry about me. What food do you like?” I stand up and walk towards the door, Lance tells me he likes anything. It may seem kind of stupid but I get one of everything from the machine, and some sodas as well as a few water bottles. It’s a bit difficult trying to carry everything back but I make it, the pockets on this suit are deep.

“You didn’t have to do that, sweetheart.” I ignore him and start piling everything onto the table, a decent mix of snacks and candy. I set down the drinks but hand him a water bottle. “Thank you.” He smiles and I sit down next to him, drinking from my own bottle. Shiro comes back into the room, I gesture to the snacks and he grabs one without really looking and starts eating.

“Adam is trying to find a sub so he can get to the Center, but police are there right now.”

We all sit in more silence until Kolivan returns to the room. “Lotor was arrested and is in custody. He was alone and seemed like he was on something, we don’t know what yet though. I was advised to encourage you all to stay here but you can leave if you wish.” Shiro makes the choice for he and I to stay, since he’s my guardian I have to do what he says, not that I had wanted to leave in the first place. Lance also decides to stay, wanting to be with me and not take any chances on leaving.

We’re there for the whole day, it isn’t until nine thirty at night that we leave. Kolivan dropped the three of us off at the Center. We walked in and found that everyone was in group; it ended when Adam saw us, however. “Anyone who would like to stay and finish group may, but to those going to sleep, goodnight and I hope you all can sleep easily.” Adam said, a few goodnights murmured back and everyone left. “Hey, how are you guys? Any word on James?” Adam looked over us all closely and pulled Shiro into a hug. 

“We’re pretty shaken up, but we’ll be okay. Lance and Keith hadn’t even gotten out of the car yet, which is good.” Adam nodded and Shiro continued. “James is in surgery but there’s nothing else we know.”

“I’m gonna shower and get some sleep.” I’m surprised they heard my whispering. I just walk off and wait until I’m under the steaming hot water to take stock of everything that happened today. I don’t know how long I’m in there, but the water is practically ice when I turn it off. When I get back to my room Lance is changed and laying in bed on his phone.

“Hey sweetheart, do you want to talk?” He sits up and sets his phone aside.  _ Always ready to help. _ “C’mere.” He holds the blanket open and I slide under the covers next to him. He wastes no time wrapping his arms around me. “Are you alright?” I just nod into his chest and breathe in his comforting scent.

“James was horrible but I can’t help but worry about him. I can’t help wanting him to be safe. What’s wrong with me?” I whisper, scared of why I want him better.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, sweetheart. Have you ever seen Tangled?” I shake my head no. “Okay, well, as a baby this girl was kidnapped and the woman who kidnapped her raised her as her own kid. The woman keeps the girl in the tower her whole life. The girl gets out and finds out she isn't the mom’s kid. Even though she knows, when the fake mom dies she’s upset about it. James was still a big part of your life, he got you away from your parents, and though you know he’s bad you still had him in your life for a long time. Does that make sense?” Lance was rubbing circles into my back with his palm and talks low.

“I don’t like it.”

“I know you don’t, but it’s going to be okay.”

I sit up and whisper. “Please make it go away.” I lean in and kiss him, pressing as close to him as I can. When I try to slide my tongue into his mouth he stops kissing and pulls away.

“Keith, you’re stressed. You had an eventful day. You’re not thinking clearly, I don’t think you’re in the right headspace for this.” He was running his fingers through my hair. “If, when you’re in the right state of mind, you want to then we can. Okay?” His eyes don’t leave mine.

“Yeah. Okay. I’m sorry, I-”

Lance pecks my lips. “None of that, okay? Don’t be sorry. I want to, but it wouldn’t be good for you.” We lay down the way we were, my face in his chest.

“Thank you.” I whisper, but Lance had already fallen asleep.I try but most of the night I just lay awake.

In the morning, Lance isn’t in the room and when I check my phone Shiro had texted saying James didn’t make it out of surgery. I just roll over and try to make myself invisible. Outside the closed door I hear Shiro and Lance talking, it’s faint but I can guess that it’s about James’ death.

The door opens. “You awake?” Lance asks. I hum. “I got you some food.” I don’t say or do anything and Lance sets it down on the end table before climbing into bed behind me. “Are you alright?” I still don’t say anything, but Lance doesn’t leave, he just pulls me closer, his hair is wet. He must have showered. “Keith, can you say something, please?”

“Did you shower?”

“Huh?”

“Your hair is wet.” I turn over to face him.

“Oh. Yeah, I showered.” Lance starts running his fingers through my hair again. He kisses my forehead. “Do you want to try and eat something? It’s mainly fruit.” I sit up and Lance hands me the plate. “I already ate, so don’t worry about me.” I put some watermelon in my mouth.

“Thanks...”

“How are you feeling?”

“I-I don’t know. I want to be happy that he’s gone, but I’m not. I don’t feel bad about it, either. I just don’t really feel anything. I don’t know if it just hasn’t set in yet or what but… I don’t know.”

“That’s okay, sweetheart. I’m here for you, you know that, right? And Shiro, Adam, everyone here. You aren’t alone. We all care about you and want to get you through this as quickly as possible.”

The next couple weeks made things better, time helped and since nobody claimed James’ body, there was no funeral. At first I still had nightmares and PTSD attacks where I would forget James’ death, but I got through it all. Adam, Shiro, and I found a place that we’re going to move into next month. And today was Lance’s birthday, I had two things I wanted to do today. I was going to give Lance his present and I was going to ask if he wanted to have sex.

I was helping Shiro finish the last touches of the surprise party when Lance texted saying he was here. He didn’t know about the party, I’m pretty sure he thought I had even forgotten about it, so when I led him to the main room he suspected nothing. When the lights turned on and everyone came out he gave me a huge smile. “Happy birthday, Lancey.” I grinned and pecked his cheek.

The party lasted a few hours and everyone was there. When it was over Shiro and Adam refused to let me help clean up, telling me to go and have fun with Lance.

Went to Lance’s house and I gave him my gift. When Lance opened the small box he picked up the journal that I had gotten from Romelle. He furrowed his brows but once he began to flip through the no longer empty pages he began to tear up. “I, uh, I made it so that each page was something you taught me. I know you worry that you don’t actually help so I thought-” Lance set the book back in the box and surged towards me, practically tackling me in a hug. No words were needed. When Lance composed himself he pulled away.

That night, while we were laying down, I fidgeted trying to figure out how to word my next question. “Keith? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. I just, uhm, you know how a couple weeks ago you said if I ever wanted to try and… have sex again that we could?”

“I remember, sweetheart.”

“Would you, uh, do you want to… you obviously can say no...” I was stammering, I knew I was. But Lance just looked at me and chuckled.

“If you want to then I would love to.”

“Yeah, I don’t know what to do, though. I never-” I cut myself off.

“It’s okay, I’ll teach you. We can go slow, okay?” 

I nod and Lance leaned in to press our lips together. He was gentle and careful and soon he licked my bottom lip. I allowed his tongue to explore inside of my mouth, which he did. Our breaths were heavy and deep, our kiss intensified and Lance maneuvered his body over mine, running his hands over every place he could. I kept one in his hair, the other slid under his shirt; we had to stop for air. Lance removed his shirt and gripped the hem of mine, a silent question of permission that I eagerly granted. Our shirts were on the floor and I quikly tried to attach our lips once again.

“Hey, slower.” He whispered, proceeding to press gentle kisses to my neck. “We have as long as we want.” His kisses went lower and down my chest and my breathing kept getting heavier. “Let’s not rush.” Lance moves his down, stopping just above the waist of my jeans. “Can I take these off?” He asks.

“Please...” I whisper, Lance has me lift my hips before sliding my pants down and off my legs, discarding them somewhere in the room. His lips return to my body, my inner thighs, He takes his time with licking and kissing them, I get lost in his wet lips and tanned hands roaming freely over my body.

“Can I leave marks?” Lance murmurs against my thigh, just before where my underwear begins.

“Yeah. J-just not where someone can see.” I’m breathless, and with my permission Lance widens his mouth and starts to suck and bite at my skin. It’s an odd but pleasant sensation. “L-Lance, please.” I sit up and Lance moves his face back to mine, leaning our foreheads together.

“Please what?” I don’t say anything, I just take his hand and put it over my growing cock. Lance smirks and puts his face back between my legs. He mouths at my dick through the thin fabric before looking at me while tugging slightly at the red fabric, I lift my hips and suddenly I’m very aware of what’s happening. I’m the only one completely naked and I’m about to have sex for the first time.

My breaths get faster, more shallow, and Lance sits upright and holds my face. “Hey, are you okay? Are you going to have a panic attack?” Lance looks directly into my eyes and I try to look anywhere else as I shake my head, embarrassed to admit I’m nervous. “Do you want to stop?”

“No! I-I’m just...” I trail off.

“Nervous?” He finishes. I nod and Lance is laying me back down as he speaks. “And that’s okay. Being nervous is fine, wanting to stop is fine.”

“I don’t want to stop.”

“In that case,” Lance’s hand wanders down my side and loosely wraps around my cock, he starts to slowly jerk me, “why are you nervous?”

“I’m n-naked.”

“Okay?” Lance says with a kind expression, prompting me to continue.

“You aren’t.”

“That’s an easy fix. Do you want my clothes off or do you want clothes on?” Lance presses a kiss to my nose.

“Your clothes off...”

Lance takes his hand away and stands up, slowly taking off his two lower layers. My eyes never leave his body, soon he’s climbing back onto the bed. “Better?” He asks, a smile playing at his lips.

"Much." I lean forward and capture his lips again, unsure of what I can do, I keep my hands in his hair while his wander my body. His tongue slips into my mouth and I pull myself closer, now straddling his lap and our chests flush together. 

Lance slides his hands down to my ass, he kneads and gropes as he pleases. I want him to feel good, too. I try to start grinding but my movements aren't fluid. Lance's lips pull away and he leans into my ear, licking behind it. "Let me help, sweetheart." He lets go of my ass and pulls back. "What if I put on some music, hm?" I nod and Lance reaches around me to unplug his phone from the nightstand and soon the room is filled with music that's all in Spanish. When he plugs his phone back in he grabs my hips. "Try to move with the music." His thumbs are rubbing circles into my skin, his lips and tongue are ravishing my mouth once more.

I listen to the music and start grinding again, with Lance's hands moving my hips and the music my body moves much more fluidly. It isn't perfect by any means but it's much better. "The feels great, sweetheart." Lance breathes against my neck, his hands tighten around me. I decide to experiment and adjust my legs, allowing more of my rear to make contact. "Fuck." Lance mutters. "That's good." I entangle my fingers into his hair with one hand, the other squeezing his side. The song changes and I move my hips more, pressing down harder. “Shit… okay, yeah.” Once I get the hang of it all Lance’s long fingers are running over my skin once more, one of his hands trailing between us to run up my chest.

I connect our mouths, Lance’s kisses are getting sloppier and more desperate. The song changes again and Lance braces my back to lay us down. “Can I ride you?” Lance asks, pulling away from my mouth for air.

“Y-yes. A-are, um, are you clean?”

Lance pressed a kiss to my forehead before reaching over me to grab a nearly full bottle of lube from the nightstand. “I haven’t done anything since I last got tested, sweetheart. But,” he pulled out a packet, “we can still use one if you want.”

“No, it’s okay. I just knew we were supposed to ask.”

He kisses my forehead again before putting the condom back. “If you change your mind, it’s there.” He starts pressing light kisses to my collar bones and moving down to my nipples, his lips wrap around the sensitive area and he kisses, nips, and sucks; his actions cause my breath to catch. When he gives the other one the same treatment I close my eyes and lay my head back.

“L-lance...” My voice cracks. He latkes his mouth off my chest and presses open mouth kisses down, down, down. He sucks on the skin near my v-line, and leaves marks where only he and I will see them. I gasp as he takes my cock into his mouth, bobbing his head and hollowing out his cheeks. “F-fuuu-aaah. That’s good. That’s so so so good.” I start babbling, unable to form proper sentences. He pops off and sucks the head into his mouth, running his tongue over my slit and working the rest with his hand. “Shit! Fuck! Lance, yes- f-uck yes.” I don’t know how long I’m actually going to last, Lance is so good at this and I’ve never even really touched myself before. James thought it was cheating and I was so worried he was going to find out if I did it that I never did. My muscles start to clench and I’m worried I’m getting close.

“Wait, L-lance! Stop.” Lance does and I allow my muscles to relax. “I think I was close.” I rush the words from my mouth before Lance thinks something is wrong. “You wanted to r-ride me.”

“You didn’t have to stop on my account. Do you want to get me ready or do you want me to do it?” He moves to straddle me and opens the lube.

“I don’t know how. I mean I can try? I don’t want to mess up.” Lance leans down and hovers his face just above my own.

“That’s okay, sweetheart. I’ll do it for now.” He connects our lips once again and I hear small wet noises which tells me Lance started. My tongue slips into his mouth and I swallow Lance’s small noises. “Are you ready?” I nod and Lance pulls away to cover my dick in lube. “Sit against the headboard, sweetheart.”

Once I’m where he wants me Lance guides my cock into his hole. Lance groans and I hiss. “H-holyyy… fuck.” I ramble and it takes a bit, but Lance is finally sat on me with my cock fully sheathed inside of him.

“How’re you feeling?” Lance asks.

“I-it’s so fucking good.”

A slower song begins playing through Lance’s phone. “It’s about to get better, sweetheart.” I practically ascend to heaven when Lance starts rocking and swaying his hips in time with the song, he takes his time building up speed but it’s not too long before he’s bouncing on my cock. I roll my head back and just let it happen. It’s so fucking good. I get lost in the sounds of sex as Lance loses himself, now at full speed and he seems to have lost the will to go slow. He turns absolutely filthy, spewing obscene sentences. “God, Keith. I fucking love you cock, so fucking good. You’re fucking my hole so good. God, you’re fucking amazing. I can’t wait for you to fill my up with your cum. I’ll be so full of you. Fuck!” Lance pauses for a moment and adjusts his position. “Holy fucking shit, there. Right fucking there, Keith. God yes!” Lance continues on, moaning my name and I can feel my muscles tightening again.

“L-lance, I think I’m close. I-I-” Lance covers my mouth with his, shoving his tongue down my throat and groans into my mouth as I cum. He doesn’t stop bouncing and we have matching tear streaks down our faces.

“Holy fuck- I-I’m gonna cum. Fuck, can you hear us? Still fucking my hole so good, hitting just the right spot. K-Keith, fuuu!” Lance cums as well, I can feel it between us. He still doesn’t stop but after he’s completely finished he starts to slow down until he can’t keep going anymore.

Lance collapses on top of me, both of us catching our breath, but he recuperates quicker than I do. Lance pulls off my softening dick and turns the music off. “How was your first time, sweetheart?” He kisses my temple and runs his fingers through my messy hair.

“It was really great.” Lances smiles and kisses me again.

“Do you wanna shower?” He asks, gesturing to the mess covering my torso. All it takes is a grin from me before he’s getting the shower ready. “How do you like your water?” He calls to me.

“Boil me!” I’m pulling out some pyjamas for the both of us out of his drawers as the water starts running. It doesn’t take long for me to join him. He’s already in the shower and from the white going down the drain I assume he cleaned out his hole. I climb in and Lance pulls me into him, his chest to my back.

“You were amazing.” He kissed along my neck and shoulders.

“Thank you.” I turn in Lance’s hold to kiss him. “It was great.” I’m grinning.

“You know hot showers are bad for your skin, right?”

“You pick now to tell me? Was to ruin the moment.” I poke my tongue out and Lance kisses it.

“I didn’t know before now, so yes. I pick now. Does this mean I can wash your hair?” I turn around and hand him the shampoo.

The rest of our shower was perfect. Passing quips, being close, and just relaxing. This was the first time in a long time that I was completely at ease. I pulled Lance in for another kiss, it was intended to be a light one but it quickly turned into a heavy makeout. I had my back pressed against one of the shower walls with Lance gripping my thighs to help hold me up. I’m groaning against Lance’s mouth and start rutting against him. We both cum again like this, the now cold water washing away our fluids.

It was late when we eventually laid back down, but it was easy to fall asleep. We were content and tired, relaxed and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Ell for beta reading and making my profile picture! Her Twitter is [@EllBell1524](https://twitter.com/EllBell1524)
> 
> I’m on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/fanon_and_canon) and [Insta](https://www.instagram.com/fanon_and_canon/)
> 
> Feel free to check out my other fics, too!


	10. Chapter Ten

Even though we got to sleep late, we still somehow managed to wake up before ten; Lance and I stayed in bed for a while, though. The pyjamas I grabbed for us before we showered were forgone, so the two of us were still naked. I was tracing patterns onto Lance’s skin while he scrolled through something on his phone, I think he said it was called Instagram? I don’t know, he also said he was going to teach me about social media. He had his arm around me while I rested my head on his chest while our legs were entangled beneath the blanket. “Hey Lance?”

“What’s up, sweetheart?” He moves his phone so he can look at me.

“Are we together now?”

I think back to when I first asked Lance a similar question, but everything is much better now. I’m much better now. I’ve come to terms with what happened, both with my parents and with James, and I’ve accepted their deaths. I’m ready to move on and get my life on track, I can get a job and maybe finish school. I’ve also been thinking more about becoming a tattoo artist, especially considering my eighteenth birthday is coming up in a couple months.. 

“Only if you want to be.” Lance is smirking, I think he’s remembering too which makes me smile.

“I mean, I dunno. You’re nice and all but-”

Lance laughs and grabs my face. “You’re ridiculous.” He kisses me long and deep. Full of passion and we’re both smiling when we pull away. “Yes, we’re together.”

It’s nice to be able to be like this, I wasn’t allowed to relax for a long time. I’m finally able to be happy, it’s nice. Of course it had taken a while after everything had calmed down to get myself to a stable place, I really like being stable. I wasn’t okay for so long that I was scared of anything else, but not anymore.

I get as close to Lance as possible, I breathe in his comforting scent and relax into the soft mattress, laying under his sheets. It’s heavenly, being surrounded by everything Lance. “Good.” I smile to myself and allow my mind to wander, another thing that used to be dangerous for me to do. I think about how much I’ve overcome and where to go from here. Then I remember a conversation Shiro and I had a while ago. “I think I want to try and get an apprenticeship.”

Lance set his phone to the side somewhere in the bed and cups my face. “That’s great! Is this for tattooing? I know you’ve mentioned that a few times.” I nod in response. “How can I help?” Lance’s smile is kind, I don’t know what I was expecting but his instant support is a little shocking. It isn’t that Lance had ever given me a reason to think he wouldn’t support me, I guess I’m still working through some things that happened with James- in a way I think I always will.

“I don’t know, I need to look at what to do and all for it. I think Shiro’s going to be happy, and this way I don’t have to stress about going back to school and figuring all of that out, y’know?” 

“I get it. Whatever you do is going to be amazing. I’ll help however I can.” He emphasises his point by placing a kiss on the top of my head. “I’ll always support you.” He murmured into my hair.

“I think the first step is to figure what to do and how to get started. I know I’ll need to build my portfolio, too.”

“How about when we get dressed we head over to the Center to get started?” Lance’s fingers run through my hair.

“That requires moving.” I pull myself closer to Lance and now practically half my body is on top of him. He wraps his arms around me, holding me snug against him.

“We can’t stay here forever, sweetheart.” He laughs as I tuck my face into his neck. 

“Why not?” I press a small kiss to where his neck and torso meet.

“Because we need things. Like food, and water.” Lance pauses as I press another kiss to the spot. “And clothes. Not that I don’t mind your birthday suit, I just think something else is required for the outside world.

“All the more reason to stay put.” I mumble. “Besides, I don’t see you making any move to get up.”

“It’s kind of hard to do that when you’re practically on top of me.” Even though I can’t actually see his face I can picture the grin Lance is wearing. I decide to counter by adjusting myself yet again so that I’m not fully on top of him. One leg slotted between his and our chests pressed against each other. “You make quite the compelling argument.” Lance runs his hands up and down my sides. “I guess we’re staying in bed, then.” I smile against Lance’s neck, where I once again have my head placed. “Do you want to watch something? My laptop’s charging on the other side of the end table. One of us should be able to reach it from the bed.”

“I’ve got it.” I rolled off of Lance and stretched to grab the laptop, Lance had a leg wrapped around me so I wouldn’t fall off the bed. While he got Netflix set up I rearranged the pillows so we could sit up against the headboard. Goosebumps had covered my arms and most of my chest.

“Sweetheart, you’re cold. Get dressed.” Lance is laughing softly. 

“That takes effort, and I’m comfy. Plus, I’ll just be cold when I stand up.” Lance pressed a kiss to my forehead and walked over to his dresser to pull out some pyjamas. “You didn’t have to get up.” Lance tosses me the clothes before getting dressed himself. He laughs at me as I wiggle around, trying to get dressed under the blanket.  _ It’s really cold.  _ Soon we’re both resettled back under the covers and trying to pick something to watch. I’ve become well versed in TV, thanks to Lance. We have pretty different tastes but we’re both pretty good at compromising when we watch together. He made me a profile on his Netflix account and I just kind of started watching things; I mainly watch horror or thriller stuff. Recently Lance, Pidge, and Matt have gotten me into anime.

“What about that? Pidge and Matt were saying it’s pretty good.” I pointed to an anime with a pale man in a butler’s uniform and some kid with an eye patch. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty good.” Lance says. “That what you wanna watch?”

“You’ve already seen it, I can watch it on my own.” I say, however Lance just clicks on it anyway.

“Don’t care, it’s good. I can totally rewatch it.” Lance puts his arm around me and leans back from the laptop.

We get a few episodes in before Lance’s phone starts ringing and he pauses the show. “Can you hand me my phone, sweetheart?” I unfurled myself from Lance’s side and passed him the phone, I noticed as I was handing it to him that the number was blocked. He furrowed his brows and answered. “Hello? May I ask who’s calling?” Lance always had a professional way of answering his phone. “Why’re you calling me? I thought we settled this forever ago.” Lance paused while the other person spoke, I can’t hear anything. “And that’s my problem how?” Lance sighed. “I really don’t care.” Lance was very clearly irritated, I stayed still just to make sure I wouldn’t interrupt or annoy him anymore than he already was. “I still don’t get why-” Lance gave a frustrated groan and shut his eyes tight, he does that when he gets angry. I’m glad he does that, I’m glad he has coping skills for his emotions. It makes me feel safe. “Seriously, I don’t want to talk to you. How are you even calling me? I blocked you.” Lance opened his eyes and started running his free hand through my hair, I couldn’t tell if he was trying to comfort me or keep himself calm.

Their conversation lasted a really long time, at one point Lance even stood up and started pacing around the room. He got angrier and more frustrated as time went on, I noticed it was harder for him to control so I tried to think of things I could do to be helpful. Neither of us have eaten yet. I looked at the time on my phone and saw it was nearly lunch time, it didn’t take more thought before I was making my way to the kitchen to make us something to eat.

I remembered there was leftovers from a couple nights ago. Veronica, Acxa, Lance, and I had a game night and ate tacos. I started getting everything out and heating up the meat and getting us each a drink. By the time it was all set up and ready Lance was off the phone and wrapping his arms around me from behind. “You didn’t have to do this, sweetheart.” He kissed my temple. “Thank you, I’m sorry that call happened.”

“We needed to eat, are you okay? It seemed like a pretty intense call.” I had started to make Lance a couple of tacos, but he stopped me.

“I can make it, you set everything up.” He took the plate and began to serve himself, I was still between him and the counter while he peered over my shoulder. “Remember a while ago when I told you about my ex?” I nodded. “That was her. She’s apparently pregnant and got kicked out of her boyfriend’s house.” Lance finished and I started making my food.

“I’m sorry.” I wasn’t sure what to say or do.

“She called asking to come stay here until she got back on her feet, I told her no. She flipped out. I tried to give her places to go but she hung up.” When our plates were made we made our way to the dining room table. “I just hope she finds somewhere soon, she’s pretty horrible but since she’s pregnant, y’know?”

“It’ll be okay. I mean, if I can get my shit together then she’ll be just fine.”

~

Apparently she was not going to be just fine. Lance and I were in the middle of watching a movie when his doorbell rang. I got up to open it and instantly got shoved aside as the girl stomped into the apartment, suitcase in tow. “McClain!” She said, standing in the living room. I shut the door and Lance stood up, he looked really angry.

“Sweetheart, could you give us a minute, please?” I could tell Lance was trying to keep himself calm, whether for me or his neighbors, I didn’t know. I nodded and went to the bedroom. I know Lance wasn’t kicking me out of the room to hide anything, I think he just didn’t want to scare me. Though, that didn’t stop my brain from saying otherwise.

_ He’s going to leave you for her. She’s pregnant, he’s not going to leave her for herself. _

I shake away the thoughts and sit on the bed. Lance isn’t going to do that. Lance cares about me. I pull out my phone and start watching some TV. It wasn’t long before I saw the bedroom door fly open and the girl burst in. “You need to leave!” She says, Lance follows behind her. I stand up, ready to be told that I do actually have to go.

“No, he doesn’t. You’re the one who needs to leave, Nyma. You can’t just waltz in here and demand to move in. And you most certainly don’t get to come here and try to kick my boyfriend out.”

“ _ Boyfriend _ ?” The girl, Nyma, sneers at Lance. Then she turns back to me and tries to grab my arm, one of her nails catches my skin and cuts my hand.

“GET THE FUCK OUT!” Lance screams, pointing out of the bedroom. Nyma stares at him, dumbfounded. I put my hand to my mouth, trying to stop the bleeding.

“Did you just  _ yell _ at me?!” She shrieks.

“Get. Out.” Lance pauses when she doesn’t move. “LEAVE! I’m not saying it again. My next step is calling the police.”

I’ve never seen Lance like this before, it makes me glad his anger isn’t directed at me. He’s glaring at Nyma, who just huffs and walks out of the room; Lance follows her. Neither one of them looked in my direction after she tried to grab me. In another few moments I hear the front door slam shut. I think Lance takes a minute to calm down because he doesn’t come back to the bedroom right away. I don’t know why, but I can’t bring myself to move from the spot I’ve been standing in, even when Lance calls my name from the doorway.

“Keith?” Lance is almost whispering. “Are you okay?” I nod and only then does he start to slowly walk towards me. “Can I see your hand?” I pull it out of my mouth and he looks over it, checking the damage. “Does it feel okay?”

“Yeah, just felt like a cat got me or something. What about you?” I move my other hand to his shoulder.

“I’m alright. Just didn’t like how she treated you. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s just finish the movie, okay? We can calm down and resettle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Ell for beta reading and making my profile picture! Her Twitter is [@EllBell1524](https://twitter.com/EllBell1524)
> 
> I’m on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/fanon_and_canon) and [Insta](https://www.instagram.com/fanon_and_canon/)
> 
> Feel free to check out my other fics, too!


	11. Chapter Eleven

Honestly, the whole incident with Nyma was the worst of my worries for about a month, and that was such a relief. Having my biggest worry being somebody else’s crazy ex. But then, my biggest worry after that was starting my apprenticeship at the Blade of Marmora, a very good tattoo parlor in the next town over. The first week was rough but everything smoothed out after that; now, six years later, I’m about ready to open my own shop.

Lance has been practicing therapy for a good bit now, and he’s great. We got a better place to live and even adopted a huge husky- we rescued him from a dog fighting ring. Everything got better, and not just for me- for everyone I was at the Center with. Romelle inherited the book shop, Axca got into her dream school, Ezor and Zethrid live together after the custody battle won in their favor, everyone was living their best life.

And I have one of the biggest smiles on my face as Lance and I walk into the Center, saying hi to some of the new faces. Lance goes off to his office, he gives free therapy to the people in the Center, and I head off to find Shiro and Adam. It’s almost time for school to start back up so Shiro asked me to come speak.

“Hey, Keith. Ready?” Shiro asked me, I nodded. “Adam’s already there, he set it up. You’re gonna be on stage, it’ll be a bit more formal than just talking in group- that okay?”

“It’s great. I met a couple of the new people, they seem really nice. How many Perms do you have?”

“Thirteen now, youngest is twelve, which is unfortunate but now she has a place to go.” Shiro has a sad smile on his face. “You’ve got twenty three kids out there, go get’em!” Shiro pats me on the back and we walk to where I’m speaking.

~

“Uh, hey everyone, I’m Keith.” I sit down on the edge of the stage. “So, my parents weren’t so great, and neither was my boyfriend. I know some of you might be having the same problems, and that’s not good. But, we can’t control other people- which sucks.” I look out at everyone. “It’s important to remember that, and Shiro and Adam are probably going to kill me for saying this, school isn’t always necessary. I didn’t finish school and I’m about to open my own tattoo place.”

I keep going with my speech, and after that we had group. It was a great day and tomorrow I open my shop.

~

I squeeze Lance’s hand and he smiles. “You ready?” He asks, jingling the keys in his hand. I nod and he hands them to me so I can step into my new shop. It’s incredible! I look around the small shop, it’s already set up and I couldn’t be happier with it.

I couldn’t be happier with my life. It took a long time, but I got myself put together and out of a shitty situation. I moved on and I couldn’t be more proud of myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Ell for beta reading and making my profile picture! Her Twitter is [@EllBell1524](https://twitter.com/EllBell1524)
> 
> I’m on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/fanon_and_canon) and [Insta](https://www.instagram.com/fanon_and_canon/)
> 
> Feel free to check out my other fics, too!


End file.
